If you have gone through a breakup with someone you used to live with, were once married to, had years invested in, or if you are in my shoes, and decided to break off your engagement, then this article is for you. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt, but I can promise you this: no matter how long it takes, you can and will bounce back. I speak from experience.
The first quote I read after I ended my engagement and two-year relationship was from Jay Shetty, saying: “Feeling sad after making the right decision does not mean that it was not the right decision” and I couldn’t help but feel like the universe was giving me a huge sign of validation.
Maybe you’re not in my shoes and you were the one on the receiving end of the breakup, but regardless, I’m a firm believer that everything does and does not happen for a reason, even if we don’t know that specific reason in the moment. However, the big question then becomes, how am I supposed to pick up the pieces and move forward from this relationship?
This is exactly the purpose of this post-breakup bounce back article but just start by knowing this: the fact that you’re reading this article and want to heal, is already a step in the right direction.
We often feel initial anger and sadness, which is all normal. Now, the important thing to remember here is to not become an extremist. What do I mean by that? In other words, you can’t ignore these feelings (trust me, I know from trial and error), because they will fester in your subconscious and will pro-long the healing/grieving process.
Although no one has passed away per se, it’s important to know this is a death of a specific chapter in your life. It’s okay to mourn that loss, even if it is the best thing for you. Nevertheless, it’s crucial that you do not sink into the feelings of self-doubt. Here are some tips to help you process these feelings without falling into a dark sinkhole of second guessing the breakup:
- Write down the reasons why you were unhappy, angry, or sad, because when the feelings of hesitancy come creeping up, you have a reference point to help snap you back into reality. My cousin helped me realize there’s a difference between:
– the potential and the reality of a previous relationship.
- Take all of the items that remind you of that person (pictures, cards, etc.) and either:
– throw them away or
– store them in a place that is not visible. Out of sight, out of mind.
- Write down all of the things you can do now that you have this new chapter of independence in your life. Maybe you’ve been waiting for the right time to launch that business idea, wanting to travel, or maybe you’re like me and simply miss socializing with your girlfriends. Regardless, make sure to take this opportunity to recognize that the glass can be half full, it’s just a matter of how much you’re willing to pour into it.
On the flip side, it’s equally as vital that you do not let these feelings consume you. Being the ambitious, eldest daughter in an Italian family, I often express anger when I feel someone has hurt me. Yet, I have enough self-awareness to know how unhealthy it is to hold onto hostility.
Latching onto feelings of anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I know we are human and sometimes the logic in our brain is not always parallel to the emotions in our heart, but we can utilize tools to give us the strength to distinguish the two. Some of these tools include:
– Working out. I’m no fitness queen by any means, so this can be something as simple as walking for 20-30 minutes a day, or as intense as taking on boxing classes. As someone with a Ph.D., there is true science behind exercise releasing endorphins, which is the natural pain reliever and mood booster our brains produce.
– Fill up your cup and keep busy! Whether it be taking on a new hobby, applying for that dream job, or in my case, taking time to finally see your girlfriends again, it’s essential to keep yourself busy with plans that make you feel whole and happy! It’s true when they say, “time flies when you’re having fun”, and as we know, time heals all wounds.
– Talk to someone. As someone who is a “ride or die” type of loyal and didn’t share my relationship issues for the final 10 months, I realize that sometimes you need to have an outlet. Whether it be journaling, therapy, or venting to friends/family in your inner circle, this helps release the burden of carrying those emotions alone. Once I learned how to do this and gained the strength to finally walk away, I felt the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders.
Healing and moving forward is a process, as someone who has made it out on the other side, please know that it is possible. I know Rome was not built in a day, but all we can do is take things one day at a time. Lastly, please know that I believe in you, my strong readers, and know you are never alone!
Name: Claudia Rose Addeo
Professional Title: Dr. Claudia Addeo
Bio: A teacher, researcher, and professor by day, Dr. Claudia Addeo also shares her personal journey as someone who overcame learning challenges, giving first-hand advice on navigating life as a young, educated, neurodiverse woman. Claudia loves using her personal experiences to give hope to others who have been in her shoes.
Social Media Handles:
