Your fear of judgment – not strategy – is the real reason you’re invisible in business.
The biggest thing holding women back from growing the visibility of their business isn’t lack of strategy. It is the little voice in their head that says, ‘But what will they think?’
– “What if people think I don’t really know what I am talking about?”
– “What if people comment about my appearance?”
– “What if people find out…find out I am not making much money, that my life isn’t perfect, and that I don’t always have it all together?”
The fear of being judged is so ingrained in women that it has become part of our DNA. It doesn’t just show up when they are about to click LIVE – it shows up when they hold back from following up with leads or pushing for a sale for fear of being perceived as bothersome or salesy.
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What if they find out?
Twenty years ago, I sat in a prison cell in Amsterdam having been handed a 6-month sentence for trafficking drugs. The judge’s verdict was that they believed I didn’t know…but I should have known. As someone who had always been the ‘good girl’, this was earth shattering. Not only had I been betrayed by people I thought were my friends when they hid drugs in the lining of my suitcase, but I would have to live with the consequences for life.
When I left prison, I buried what had happened to me deep inside and got on with life as if nothing had happened. I put myself through university, interned at the United Nations, and traveled the world. It wasn’t until I started my own business that it came bubbling back to the surface. What if someone finds out? What if they don’t believe I didn’t know about the drugs? What if they think I am still the naïve teenager and don’t want to work with me?
Holding onto the fear of judgment of being ‘found out’ kept me playing small in my business. I was frustrated at not earning enough…but at least I was safe.
It wasn’t until I faced my fear and changed my story that I was able to start growing my visibility and sign more clients.
But this article isn’t about me; it’s about helping you to move through your fear so you can grow the business you envisioned.
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How to move through fear to grow your business.
1. Awareness.
The first step is to have the awareness and clarity of where you are holding back for fear of being judged and why. Perhaps you post on your socials but shy away from anything outside your own community. Perhaps you avoid following up – or only follow up once before you assume no one wants your offer.
You also want to be clear about what specifically you are afraid of being judged for. Perhaps you are afraid people will think you don’t know what you are talking about or you’re afraid people will think you are ‘bothering’ them.
Q. What are you avoiding for fear of being judged? What specifically are you afraid of being judged for?
The truth is whatever judgment you fear it is because you already hold it to be true about yourself. You are just worried other people will see it too.
2. Change the Story
Your fear of judgment is because you hold a story that has told you it is true. That you are not pretty enough, successful enough, articulate enough…not good enough. But your story is not a truth. It is a meaning that you created from your experiences of the world.
At some point a little girl decided that she wasn’t good enough in the eyes of the world and felt the pain of being rejected. That pain resurfaces every time there is potential to re-live that experience even though she now lives in the body of a woman.
To change the story, you must change the meaning of your original experience. To see it from another perspective other than a child who was desperate for acceptance. When you change the meaning, you change the story. Then fear of being judged no longer holds you back because you no longer believe it to be true about yourself.
3. Confidence vs Commitment
One of the biggest misconceptions is that confidence is a skill to be developed. Women wait to feel confident before taking action in their business, but what they are really searching for is certainty. Certainty that it will work and that they won’t face any negative consequences.
Confidence isn’t a skill set; it is an emotion. Like any emotion, you are not fully in control of it. Waiting for it to come before acting is like telling your boss you aren’t going to work unless you feel confident. You would most likely get fired or the company would go bankrupt.
This is what many women are unknowingly doing to their business. Only taking action when it feels a particular way, and as a result, they are struggling to stay afloat.
Instead of waiting to feel confident, make the commitment to yourself. To show up for your business despite how you feel.
I believe that every woman is capable of building a successful business, but what I believe won’t determine your success. What YOU believe will.
Name: Louise Kirk
Professional Title: Women’s Confidence & Visibility Coach
Bio: Louise Kirk is the founder of Visible & Unstoppable, helping women overcome fear of judgment, build unshakable confidence, and turn visibility into sales – so they can grow profitable businesses without hustle, burnout, or shrinking who they are.
