A Challenging Childhood: Growing Up in Darkness
As a young girl, life was difficult. Raised by parents who partied all the time and put themselves first. I always tried to fight for their attention and hoped that they would acknowledge and love me. Years later I realized that my efforts were useless. Darkness was always there, fear, hiding in my closet, no love, no light.
Finding Hope and Building a New Life
Leaving the family home and creating a life for myself was my best hope for happiness. I met a man who truly loved me; we married, and had 2 beautiful boys, a house, 2 cars. Life was everything I dreamed of, yet the darkness persisted. I used alcohol as a means to get out of the darkness, it only made things darker for me. My anxiety increased as did my need for more alcohol. Throughout these years I was a functioning alcoholic. I was a good Mum (or at least the best I could be with this disease), I had a terrific career in sales, and from the outside everything appeared to be just fine.
Darkness to Light: The Turning Point
Then one night on July 14, 2015, all hell broke loose. I drove drunk and hit a parked car down the street. I was arrested and charged with a DUI. My husband picked me up from jail. As I write this, it still makes me sick to my stomach. Thank God I didn’t hurt anyone. I have been sober since July 15, 2015.
Facing a New Battle: The Cancer Diagnosis
In the spring of 2018, I had pain in the perineum area. I went to the doctor and he said I had two little lesions and gave me some cream to shrink them. The pain and the lesions worsened. I went to a specialist who surgically removed them and did a biopsy. It was Cancer. It was now January 31, 2019. I was told I had to have surgery to remove the lymph nodes on both sides of the groin and that I would need 33 rounds of radiation.
Navigating Cancer and Covid: Family and Survival
During my cancer journey, Covid appeared. Our youngest grandchild was born in March 2020 right at the beginning of Covid. My youngest son and his wife were terrified of bringing this little guy into this world with the unknown of what Covid would do. They had a daughter who was 2 ½ and was very cautious of seeing people. My oldest son Ryan had a daughter, however he was estranged from her. She lived with her mom, stepdad, and 2 siblings. Our 3 grandchildren were our biggest priority during this time.
We did everything we could to make sure we were safe to see them. That meant not seeing other friends, family, etc. before seeing the little ones. We didn’t get to see Ryan too much during Covid as he lived with his girlfriend and that meant another family might get exposed to Covid. We did however see him in June of 2021 for Fathers Day.
I vividly remember looking at him and noticing that his eyes were bright yellow, the color of a yellow highlighter. I was terrified, Ryan was an alcoholic. On December 6, 2021, my beautiful boy passed away from severe alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver. He was 35 years old. This was the darkest moment of my life.
Darkness to Light: Healing After Loss
The grief was so strong, a mother should never outlive her children. To help with the grief, I kept my mind busy. I enrolled in courses and became a certified Crystal Practitioner. I also obtained my Reiki Master Certification. During my cancer journey, I had started a business selling crystal bracelets, which I sold on Etsy and locally to friends and on the Facebook marketplace. I continued with my crystal bracelet business but included bracelets for Sobriety and for Heartache and Grief.
A New Chapter: Embracing Creativity and Purpose
Today I continue to create my genuine crystal bracelets and sell them now on both Etsy and on my own website. It brings me so much joy to hear how much they have helped others, that has given me love and light in my heart.
From Darkness to Light: Sharing My Journey
As for the Crystal Practitioner and Reiki Master part of my life, I have decided that perhaps that was just for me to help me along in my grief.
Inspiring Others: The Birth of My Podcast
Recently, I started a podcast called From Darkness to Love and Light. It is a place where women can share their stories of Darkness to Love and Light and provide hope and inspiration to the women who might be listening. It is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Podbean, TuneIN and Alexa. You can follow me on Instagram @fromdarknesstoloveandlight and on Facebook.
A Message of Hope: Finding Love and Light in the Darkness
I appreciate the opportunity to share my story and hope it inspires someone to know that you too can come out of the Darkness and find Love and Light.
