The Journey Back to You…
“Diminished self” is a term that should never be taken lightly. In fact, its impact is so significant that one may completely lose themselves and begin to live only in a survival state. Scared to voice, scared to think or have an opinion – all of which are rights as a human being. A diminished self isn’t born overnight.
It’s the result of accumulated micro-dismissals, subtle shaming, and covert invalidation—especially where emotional needs are minimized. It’s toxic stress that is presented daily, monthly, and over the years. When you’re constantly walking on eggshells to avoid disapproval, punishment, or conflict, you begin to edit yourself.
The Woman’s Faith Journey is one of many ups and downs, vulnerability, and times of complete weakness. The longer this persists, the harder it is to hear your own voice. You stop asking, What do I want? and only ask, What will they think? What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I be stronger? How did I get here? You may even notice…
– You stop asserting opinions.
– You defer to others’ needs over your own.
– You achieve something and then immediately discount it as luck.
This is a diminished self: when you no longer trust your voice, believe in your worth, or feel entitled to your desires. How do I know this, you ask? It’s me, I’ve lived it and had to learn how to rediscover who I was and what was important to me. How did I arrive here? Well, that’s a great question but ultimately, it was abusive, controlling, and degrading behaviors that I unfortunately endured that got me to a state and place that feels helpless and scary.
A place that’s full of confusion, disappointment, heartache, and desperation. I remember asking myself, “What is this and how can I make it go away?” I had no answers, I was numb and surviving, trying to continue to be a good mom and do all the things I’ve always done but…
I felt ashamed; how did I become non-important in this world to someone and to myself? As you can imagine, this feeling will eat you alive and create a numbness that doesn’t go away. The “slow erosion” of you begins to dig at you day by day. What’s left? A shell of the person you used to be.
A hyper-accommodating version of you, existing primarily to avoid judgment. It’s damaging, it’s humiliating and it happens over time. I found myself surviving within this kind of toxicity and my nervous system relied on the unpredictability of when the next shoe or event would drop. I didn’t trust calm or consistent behaviors and told myself it couldn’t be real. I experienced physical symptoms and full body rushes each time I was blamed, belittled, or put down.
The hardest things were stories made up of things that never represented my character or person, just to validate non-accountability. That hurt the most and took the biggest toll on my nervous system. Truly understanding this is part of The Woman’s Faith Journey and how this was a trauma response was key to the start of reinventing my diminished self. The good news? You’re not broken. You’re buried. And with the right tools, you can unearth yourself.
Next Steps to Reinventing Yourself
1. Reclaim Your Narrative
Start journaling your story: the good, the bad and ugly. By engaging in this you begin to discover things you may have forgotten. Little wins, skills, and dreams you’ve pushed aside.
– Action Step: Every micro-win situation builds the muscle of self-trust. Look at this article from Women Thrive.
2. Detox from External Validation
This one is hard because your nervous system is used to seeking external validation for safety. Try this: when you do something brave, resist the urge to ask if it was “okay”. Instead, ask yourself how you feel about it.
– Feel the validation for speaking up, being confident in your own opinions and ideas and keep encouraging yourself to think in this mindset!
– Action Step: Self-efficacy grows when you validate your own competence—not wait for others to do it for you.
3. Seek Empowering Spaces
Healing in isolation is possible, but thriving requires community. Let yourself be seen and heard in many ways and groups. Be authentically yourself and voice what’s important to you, what you’re passionate about and want in life. Remember, you are the author of your life and story.
– Start to really see yourself living with your new and reinvented life and landscape.
– The diminished self isn’t your true self—it’s a survival persona and response. It’s how you’ve managed to stay safe and just like it was built, it can be dismantled. Rediscover what was always there—your voice, your power.
If you’re thinking, this is me… That awareness is your comeback story in motion! You can rebuild. You can rise. And you can find YOU again!
The Journey Back to You,
You are enough, amazing, and beautiful. You’re not stuck. You’re awakening! Check out these resources:
– The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
– The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest
– The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
Name: Dana Ashford
Professional Title: M.Ed
Bio: Dana is a Social Emotional Learning and Trauma Specialist who has guided many, including herself, through healing, rebuilding self-efficacy and reclaiming self-worth. At 46, she courageously reinvented her life, grounded in the belief that love and vulnerability are powerful tools for transformation. Dana inspires growth through compassion, resilience and authenticity.
Social Media Handles:
