Poetic Existence and the Small Grey World
Growing up in a tiny German village—picture 200 people and a geese farm across the road—I hid in fantasy books, slipping between pages into worlds wider than my own, while my reality felt small and grey.
My parents saw life in rigid terms: right or wrong, safe or dangerous. How I behaved, dressed, even dreamed was filtered through a world of ‘shoulds’. Uncertainty and risk were unwelcome.
At my strict private high school, rules dictated everything. We weren’t allowed to dye our hair or wear track pants. Our grades were publicly displayed. There was little room for experimentation. This world felt small. I learned to shrink myself to fit, to tuck away the colours that made me, me. And with them, I lost my aliveness and eventually became depressed. I was collapsing into myself. I felt like there was something wrong with me, but I didn’t know how to break free or see beyond the world I had been given.
So, two weeks after graduating, I left. I moved to the other side of the world, worked any job I could find—driving forklifts, picking mangoes, bartending. I saw life in ways I hadn’t before. With this radical move I managed to yank myself out of my habitual ways of living. I enabled myself to see beyond what I had known so far. This other world I was discovering was a living poem—fluid, unexpected, limitless—different cultures, different ways of being. I realised: It’s absolute bullshit to believe things should be a certain way. They just are. And we have a lot less control than we might think.
Embracing Uncertainty and Mess
Slowly, I started to see beyond the right vs. wrong binary that had shaped my upbringing. It was (and is) extremely uncomfortable—because it means facing exactly what that way of thinking covers up: uncertainty. It strips away the illusion of safety. It means living with an undercurrent of terror. I found myself paralysed at times, not being able to leave my bed in the morning or getting stuck in the strongest spells of procrastination I’ve ever experienced.
So, I get the perspective of my parents and the panic that arises when choosing to immerse yourself in life with the risks that come with that. And yet, by experiencing how it can be different, it also opened up something far greater: the rich, colourful aliveness of lived experience. And that’s so worth it for me.
I absolutely suck at not thinking in right vs. wrong—no wonder—I have been doing it all my life, my whole belief system is constructed around it. Even now, 10 years later, here I am—struggling, every day. My mind defaults to certainty because it feels safe and that’s what brains do. But life was never meant to be a problem to solve—it’s a story unfolding, a dance between chaos and clarity, beauty and mess, to be experienced in delightful presence.
To find my colours again, I have to let go, over and over. I have to express myself. I need to embrace the mess of what lies between right and wrong: life. I need to find the courage and allow myself to not know. By stepping into my authentic expression in the messiness of life, I find the magnificence of being alive. That’s what ultimately pulled me out of depression and led me back to myself—and eventually, to publishing my debut poetry collection Life of a Rainbow.
I had no clue how, but I did it—I didn’t consider myself an author or a poet, I was absolutely terrified throughout the whole process. And in that, I was also being very intentional: this journey was gonna be about expression for me. I started to see that there was nothing wrong with me at all, that I had just adopted the way of thinking of a world that couldn’t hold me. I needed a bigger world. By putting myself out there and showing myself, I discovered that the world is so much bigger than we think. My world was expanding.
The Power of Expression and Impact
The book turned out to mean something to people. It had an impact. Until this day, I am stunned by the reception of it. How me simply standing in my expression can help other people embrace theirs and make them feel seen. Showing up as myself and allowing all my colours into being, I discovered that I have so much to give to the world, that when I can truly be myself, I end up impacting others in a positive way.
That’s what happens when we embrace who we are: We step into the unknown and discover that we are the art, the poetry—simply by showing up.
Existence is poetic: It is not a formula to be solved but a canvas of contrasts, contradictions, and moments of unexpected beauty. To live fully is to embrace the ebb and flow, the tension between certainty and the unknown, the messiness that gives rise to meaning. Just like poetry, life does not demand perfect understanding—it invites us to feel, to explore, to express. Existence was never meant to be confined to black and white, but rather lived in all its vivid, infinite colours—with us as messy, magnificent human beings.
About the Author
Name: Swantje Hering
Professional Title: Psychologist, Global Health Expert, and Author of Life of a Rainbow.
Bio: Swan Hering explores human experience with depth and insight. A German-born writer with a psychology and global health background, her debut book Life of a Rainbow invites readers to embrace authenticity. Now based in Gothenburg, she expands her creative practice as a writer and coach, helping others find greater aliveness.
