Our only grandson is eleven years old, yet we have never been allowed to meet him and he doesn’t even know we exist. Additionally, our grandson’s half-brother, from his mother’s first marriage, was estranged from his grandmother and father’s extended family for a decade, before being allowed back into their lives.
Estrangement and grandparent alienation has never been a stranger to our daughter-in-law. On the day of our son and daughter-in-law’s wedding in 2011, we were advised that her father’s second wife was not invited or allowed to attend the wedding, even though her father would be there.
In the months that followed, I remember asking our daughter-in-law if her older son had any relationship with his grandmother or any of his father’s extended family and she very adamantly told me no, but would not explain anything further.
On the day our grandson was born, we couldn’t make the 90-minute drive to the hospital for his birth. In spite of having every intention of visiting and meeting our grandson after he was home from the hospital, I suddenly received a text message from our son that simply stated, “you have lost a son, a grandson and a nephew” followed by another text stating “grandparents have no rights” which became the painful moment when our son’s entire birth family was permanently erased from their lives.
The silence became overwhelmingly deafening, no matter how many times we reached out with ongoing hopes for reconciliation and healing.
Grandparent Alienation Syndrome is a heartbreaking form of elder abuse that happens when parents deliberately restrict or sever their children’s relationships with their grandparents. It’s a double-edged sword cutting deep into both generations.
The pain, sadness and grief I had been experiencing became too much to bear. I had to do something to keep my mind busy, instead of wallowing in self-pity. I initially volunteered cuddling babies in the NICU of our local women’s and children’s hospital, which in itself was a wonderfully rewarding experience. Cuddling and talking to those precious lives in the quiet stillness and darkness of their rooms, many of whom were struggling with drug addiction withdrawals.
There were times when they would open their eyes and smile as if they were looking at their guardian angels. It was a most wonderful and comforting bright spot for me, during a very dark time.
I found myself becoming very saddened and disheartened over what I had been learning about grandparent alienation syndrome and just how much it was affecting so many others like us. I felt the need to do something and prayed to find some way of helping others as well as ourselves.
And in January, 2015, Surrogate Grandparents-USA was created. By June, 2015, we had a total of 30 members. As each day passed, word spread, the group continued to grow, and success stories were beginning to emerge.
– A widowed grandmother in Texas reads bedtime stories via video chat to a five-year-old in Ohio. What began weekly became nightly, eagerly awaited by both.
– A young Florida couple welcomed a local “grandpa” who taught their son to fish and shared lessons from raising his own children. These afternoons became lessons not just in skills, but in love, presence, and care.
– A shy boy proudly told his teacher, “I have two grandmas now!” His confidence and calm blossomed through the connection.
Family isn’t just blood, it can be a birthday card that arrives on time, even a call or video chat after a long school day. And other times it’s simply showing up and saying, I see you, I care, you matter.
Surrogate Grandparents–USA has become a community of hope and connection. What started with my own grief and pain has become a national movement, a growing community, helping to heal the hearts of grandparents without grandchildren, children without grandparents, and families without that intergenerational support.
The community also welcomes adults who have aged out of the foster system, offering possible support and connection to those hoping to find family they are missing in their lives.
Surrogate Grandparents–USA has blossomed into a warm, vibrant, supportive and loving Facebook community built on kindness, empathy, and real human connection. It stands as a reminder that even in a world often defined by disconnection and distance, people still long to belong and that a single heartfelt idea or prayer can bring comfort, hope, and healing, one relationship at a time.
It’s no longer just a group; it’s become a growing movement proving that love, connection, and family can be rebuilt at any age.
Name: Donna J Skora
Professional Title: Donna Supitilov Skora
Bio: I’m Donna Supitilov Skora, founder of Surrogate Grandparents-USA, where grandparents missing grandchildren can connect with families who are missing grandparents for a possible lifetime of love. I’m passionate about bridging generations and offering some guidance and resources.
