For most of my life, I didn’t feel like the main character in my own story. I knew life was happening; I was just trying to survive it. I didn’t believe I had control; endurance was my only goal. What I was unaware of then is that survival mode keeps you alive, but it also keeps you stuck! Now that I know surviving isn’t enough, I feel compelled to let others know.
LIFE IN SURVIVAL MODE
I grew up in complete chaos. My home wasn’t safe. My parents were alcoholics and while my mom would abuse us mentally, my stepfather was physically abusive to my little sisters that were his blood. I had to watch it as it would come out of nowhere.
I learned early how to stay quiet, alert, how to protect my sisters the best I could – all while no one was protecting me. I believe it was important to me to protect them because I had no one there for me and I did not want them to feel that way.
I ended up being sexually abused at 12 by a daycare employee that I thought I was in love with. And like so many people, I learned the wrong lesson from it; this is what happens when you let what happens to you define what you’re worth.
By the time I was a teenager, I had already taught myself to be a reactor to life. I became a mom at 15, dropping out of high school and getting married. I was a wife and mom of two by 17, divorced by 21.
I learned early that embracing life was not for me; I was more of a “brace for impact” kinda gal. And here’s the thing – survival mode doesn’t always look dramatic. It’s not always midnight calls to a friend, because what friends did I have?
It’s not always drinking or drugs or worse; sometimes it’s just being frozen, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sometimes it looks like showing up, functioning, smiling even, all while feeling so disconnected from your own life.
Since I grew up alongside my children the weight of responsibility was overwhelming to say the least. I may have looked strong on the outside but I was depleted from carrying a life I never got to choose. I struggled with finances well into adulthood. I never believed I was allowed to want more out of life. When you grow up surviving, you simply don’t plan.
THE WAKE – UP CALL
I was 35 years old when I received my cancer diagnosis. Something about getting stopped in your tracks so forcefully that you can hear your own heartbeat again, that will change your mindset for a minute.
“Is this all there is to life? If this is all the time I get, shouldn’t I really be living?” These are the questions circling in my head repeatedly, until I realized something truly uncomfortable. I am a survivor, I’ve survived incredible things, but I had never truly owned my life or my future.
THE COMEBACK
I knew I had to heal, all parts of me. The surgeries from cancer, my heart from the past that has beaten me up more times than just when it happened.
HERE’S WHAT I’VE COME TO LEARN:
– Survival mode is reacting, people pleasing, decisions based on fear, living in your head.
– Ownership mode is choosing, setting healthy boundaries, decisions based on intentions, living on purpose.
Even though survival mode can be silent, ownership isn’t loud either. It is simply quiet decisions made on a consistent basis.
TAKEAWAYS
Use these 3 tools immediately:
1. Name what you’re carrying
– You can’t release what you don’t acknowledge
2. Quit asking “Why Me?”
– We’re not victims anymore! Ownership says, “What now?”
3. Choose the next right step
– You don’t need all the answers, just take one brave step
CLOSING
I used to believe my life was something that just happened to me. Now I understand it’s something I get to participate in. Will you participate with me? You are not broken. You are not behind. You are not disqualified from a powerful future.
Name: Julianna Crow
Professional Title: Professional Speaker
Bio: I am a professional speaker, small business owner, and community leader. My true life started in 2019 after a medical wake-up call and I want to help those who are just going through life on autopilot wake up before their call comes! It’s not too late to truly live!
