By Self-Worth & Empowerment Healer, Mary Walker-Golden
Anger is a powerful force; it can consume anything in its path or become a fast vehicle for positive change. For women, an angry outburst may feel like something to be avoided or ashamed of. However, the nature of anger is not negatively charged. It is simply an alarm, meant to get your attention quickly. Let’s discuss the ways women today work through and with, not against and around, anger.
When the fires of rage are ablaze, it is important to remember that you have options. For example, you can explode with anger, deny or reject it, harness it, express it, diffuse it, claim it, release it, listen to it, or even befriend it! Outrage or irritability can become familiar responses to everyday stress. However, as Vedic spiritual teacher Acharya Shunya reveals in her book, Roar Like a Goddess, it can also fuel getting your needs met: “Anger can provide the motivation to constructively correct an injustice”. (Shunya, 2022).
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8 Steps to Set Healthy Boundaries and Get Your Needs Met
Step 1: Self-Awareness
– Becoming aware of how we feel may be the last thing we want to do when we are angry. Most of us relinquish this opportunity hidden in plain sight.
– As soon as we become aware of something, it’s like putting a location coordinate into a GPS. You now have a starting point.
Step 2: Acknowledge Your Feelings
– Next, we are invited to name this location. Like Maya Angelou says, “Words are things”.
– What are the things that need to be acknowledged here? Never underestimate the power of stating the obvious. Say it out loud, write it down. Start… Here… Now.
Step 3: Identify Your Needs.
– Anger often stems from unmet needs or boundaries being crossed.
– Pinpointing these needs can help you address the underlying issue. Write your needs down, commit them to memory, and be flexible as you grow and get to know yourself better. No one knows or is responsible for your (adult) needs more than you.
Step 4: Channel your Energy Physically
– Work out, take a nature walk/run, do some yardwork, gardening, or pet care.
– Practice some kicks, knead some dough, throw something out that you’ve been holding onto. These could be productive ways to channel your anger. Release your pent up energy to help transform your anger.
Step 5: Set Healthy Boundaries
– Anger can be a sign that your boundaries are being violated.
– Use it as an opportunity to assert yourself and communicate your needs clearly. To prevent future resentments, make sure your needs are reaffirmed and reflected by other parties prior to angry outbursts, miscommunications, or misunderstandings.
Step 6: Seek Support
– Don’t hesitate to reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist for guidance and support in managing your anger.
– There is power in opening up your voice recorder, blog, or journal and letting it rip. Let these tools support your self-expression, a powerful ally in reaffirming your feelings and that you are worthy of being seen and heard.
Step 7: Take Problem-Solving Action
– Transform your anger into action by addressing the situation and working towards a desired outcome.
– Notice where you can offer yourself and other parties compassion, forgiveness, and a sense of safety and trust along the way.
– Remember anger can be a gatekeeper for other hidden feelings like grief, fear, or shame.
Step 8: Coping Mechanisms for the Future
– Develop and fill your toolbox with healthy ways to deal with anger in the moment, such as deep diaphragmatic breathing or hitting a speedbag.
– Mindfulness meditation, Ho’oponopono forgiveness prayer, or spending time in nature may also be helpful preventative wellness methods for coping with and managing your anger.
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From Your Anger Into Your Power
Search your Anger Management Toolbox, using awareness, support, and movement as allies. As Natasha Bacca shares in her article for Women Thrive, titled An open invitation to women to feel and express their anger, “Recognize the power that anger holds and harness it for the greater good” (Bacca, 2024). Can you think of the shifts in your life and energy that are possible as you manage your anger, Goddess style?
Anger management is about finding balance. Listen to the call of outrage, make a decision that is within your power, follow through with your plan; maintaining self-preservation, respect, and care. Be sure to offer the same to others. Chin up, You Got This, Goddess!
“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.” – Chérie Carter-Scott
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References:
Acharya Shunya. (2022). Roar like a goddess: every woman’s guide to becoming unapologetically powerful, prosperous, and peaceful. Sounds True.
Natasha Bacca. (2024). An open invitation to women to feel and express their anger. Women Thrive.
Name: Mary Walker-golden
Professional Title: Self-worth And Empowerment Healer
Bio: Hi, I’m Mary, The Self-worth And Empowerment Healer. As The Curator Of Safe Spaces For Women’s Wellness, I Am Passionate About Helping My Clients Own Their Worth And Lead Their Lives! Compassionately Supporting Women As They Shift From ‘The Invisible Woman’ To ‘Self-confidence Queen’ Is My Mission, Joy And Honor.
