Women Thrive Magazine
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The Secret to Understanding You Are Enough
As a self-esteem coach, one of the most common and most damaging beliefs I hear from women is the feeling that they are not enough. There are many reasons why women have developed this belief, from childhood trauma to the pressure of society’s expectations. However, where it came from is often less important than understanding it is absolutely not true.
My earliest memory of not being good enough goes way back to a young child. I came from a loving family, but as the youngest sibling, I never felt as pretty as my sister or as smart as my brother. This feeling was not caused by anything specific but rather a combination of my personality and my circumstances. If you can relate to this and have spent years determining what caused it, then my first suggestion is to stop. Not everything has an answer; some things just are.
The most dangerous thing about having this belief as a child was that it made me an easy victim to be groomed by a sexual predator. When we don’t feel good enough, whether a child or an adult, we desperately seek validation from others. When someone gives us attention and makes us feel special, we will do almost anything to fill the void of low self-worth.
Unfortunately, when we enter any relationship with low self-esteem, we are more at risk of being taken advantage of, resulting in sexual abuse or violence. According to the World Health Organisation study, almost one-third (27%) of women aged 15-49 years worldwide who have been in a relationship report that they have been subjected to some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner. This abuse reinforces their belief that we are not good enough, and the pattern repeats itself repeatedly.
My experience of sexual abuse as a child reinforced my earliest belief that I wasn’t good enough. This experience led to over 20 years of unhealthy relationships, addiction, and mental illness as an adult. This belief was further compounded by the societal expectations of being a female. Don’t be too emotional, but don’t be too assertive. Don’t be too sexy, but don’t be too bland. Don’t put career before family, but don’t be a lazy stay-at-home mum. Don’t be too shy, but don’t be too loud. The list is endless for women, and the consequence is many women are conditioned never to feel good enough.
Combine these societal expectations with the statistics that 1 in 10 girls experience sexual abuse and almost one-third of women aged 15-49 years are subject to abuse, it is not hard to imagine how difficult life becomes for women and they lose the confidence to believe in themselves.
However, it is not all doom and gloom. Many women have managed to shatter those expectations and abusive experiences to reclaim their lives and understand that they always were and always will be enough. I want to share the secrets I used to unshackle my limiting beliefs and fully understand that “I Am Enough”.
- I got sober. Whether your addiction is alcohol, food, relationships, or exercise, the reality is you cannot move forward in your life when you are using an outside substance to solve an inside problem.
- Neurolinguistic Programming. Professional therapists and counsellors are crucial to begin the journey of healing from trauma by processing the past. However, there comes a time in your healing journey when you need to start putting more energy into your future, not your history. NLP and Coaching can assist.
- Movement. The mind and body connection allows your physical state to influence your physiological state. When we start living with less anxiety and fear, we can see ourselves in a more positive light.
- Gratitude. When you start focusing on all the beautiful things in your life and give less mental space to the challenges, you attract more positive experiences.
- Letting Go. This secret is especially relevant to other people’s opinions or society’s standards. Find your passion and purpose in life. The thing that lights you up and brings you joy.
If you follow these 5 Secrets regularly, I guarantee you will start building self-esteem. With this new confidence and self-worth, you will begin to understand that You Are Enough. You will also start to realise that you were born enough, and despite everything that has happened in your life, you were always enough.
Be The Impossible
Caroline x
About the Author
Name: Caroline Bellenger
Professional Title: Self-Esteem Coach, Business Coach, Speaker, Author & Founder of Be The Impossible
Bio: Caroline is a self-esteem coach, business coach, award-winning entrepreneur, mental health advocate, and inspirational speaker. After experiencing childhood sexual abuse and over twenty years of addiction and mental health issues, Caroline got Sober 13yrs ago and enhanced her life by creating a toolbox of strategies that enabled her to improve her mindset, and self-esteem and create three successful businesses.
Website: www.carolinebellenger.com
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