The Power of Platonic Friendships with Women
I saw a Tik Tok the other day of two bikini clad women running towards the ocean on a sandy beach with a caption that read “female friendships that feel like soulmates”. We can unpack why they’re always in bikinis another time…
Why Are Women Highlighted in Memes About the Power of Platonic Friendships with Women?
My main question is, why are they always women in these memes?
You never see two dudes sitting on a couch eating nachos, with a caption reading, “Cherishing the platonic love and bond we share”.
Societal Expectations and Male Friendships
One could argue that societal expectations of who men are supposed to be, has created a male ‘friendship recession’? Or perhaps they just don’t need it as much? Or in the same way?
Emotional Support Without Physical Intimacy: The Power of Platonic Friendships with Women
For me, close platonic friendships are as important as the air I breathe. And as I’ve gotten older those relationships have become critical to my success and overall sanity. But not without a price.
The Daily Conflicts Women Face and How the Power of Platonic Friendships Helps
I believe women need support and emotional connection, without physical intimacy, to thrive at our best. Platonic friendships allow us to navigate the many conflicting roles we face as women.
We live with the daily conflict of epic contradictions. We are told to be powerful, to be mothers, to be nurturing and fierce, and to soar in our careers at the same time. To be thin and pretty but not care about either because we should be natural. And not to age but age gracefully, and be a devoted wife and partner, but be naughty and alluring so you don’t get boring and deserve to be cheated on, but also don’t be seen as a threat. And make sure you are always seen or you will live a life of never being seen and be alone forever which means you have failed at life and are irreparably broken.
Sharing with Friends: Overcoming Challenges with the Power of Platonic Friendships with Women
‘Don’t be too visible…Can often leave us doubting our abilities and gifts’ -Abigail Rebecca; The Visibility Goddess
It’s confusing and impossible to abide by.
And the only way I have found to deal with living a life where those are the standards is to talk about it with my girls. And tell the truth, exposing myself as the fraud I feel I am.
Breaking Free from the Myth of Prince Charming
As a proud Gen Xer, I was weaned to be both a Disney Princess and a latchkey kid. In the 70’s and 80’s girls were just starting to learn about fierce independence as a right, while still being fed the idea that we had one true love who would save us from the peril of a life alone. And that one true soulmate could solve it all, with one true loves kiss. #romancejunkie
So at 21 I found my true love, my White Knight, and he was my everything. He knew my secrets and my demons, and I protected his as well.
Deepening Friendships Through Vulnerability
I always had friends, and we were very close, so I thought. We had each other’s back and we had each other’s front. But there was always an unsaid rule (for me at least) that we didn’t talk about our partners or spouses too much for fear of betraying them. So I didn’t. I kept that (rather large part of me) quiet and under wraps.
You can imagine, after 14 years of keeping the realities of my relationship safely locked up, the shock on everyone’s face when my “perfect” marriage ended abruptly. There was no way to hide it, and no one left to protect, accept myself. When the one person who held all my secrets, left without a forwarding address, I quickly learned the only person I was betraying by not sharing this part of my life, was myself.
And, gratefully, as my friends came to my rescue and picked me up off the floor, I began to share, and talk and express all the things I had held so tightly for fear of not being perfect. That I had not found my Prince Charming and worse, I was not the Princess but the invisible house maiden with no glass slipper in sight.
The Freedom in Sharing Your Truth
Out of sheer desperation I shared, and felt, and screamed. A lot. And I realized that not only did my story revolve around me but by revealing my truth, I gave my friends the permission, or perhaps the safety, to fully share theirs with me, and it set us free.
It created a depth in our relationships and a support in my life that I truly could not live without to this day.
Building a Tribe of Support
‘I love my husband, but there’s nothing like a conversation with a woman who understands you. I grow so much from those conversations.’ -Beyonce
Were there a few who had little interest in this kind of connection, who said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing and were not supportive the way I needed, of course. And those people weeded themselves out rather quickly. No harm and no judgement. We were not in need of the same thing. And that is fine.
But those who were truly members of my tribe got it, they stuck around and my friendships, with this vast group of women opened up in a way that freed me from my shame and filled so many of the holes in my heart.
The Price of True Connection
But nothing of value comes for free. There is a price to pay for true human connection. It is honesty with oneself and with those you entrust to be in your tribe. I am imperfect and at times weak and will never be a Disney Princess with one true love. I am a fully formed and very messy, flawed person doing her best in front of other human beings.
Romantic Love Cannot Be the Only Answer
Romantic love cannot be the one true love. Asking one person to be all things to me, is unreasonable and unkind to expect. There will never be one single person or one moment that will make my life complete or a success. It is a daily decision to move forward and live as authentically as possible in front of other human beings.
Teaching My Daughter the Value of Friendship
As I raise my daughter to be comfortable with the many sides of herself, including her Princess, now we call it her Warrior Princess, I wish for her these connections. I also wish for her romantic connections, eventually. But before all of it, I wish for her a connection with herself, with her feelings, her strengths, her vulnerability, and the creation of her tribe.
Conclusion: Embracing the Power of Platonic Friendships with Women for a Fuller Life
I pray she will use the good fortune of my mistakes and my efforts to teach her, that we are born with holes in our heart, ones that only human connection can fill, but they cannot be filled, unless they are opened first. Exposing the ugly bits you feel should never see the light of day else they send you screaming into a lonely void with daily mantras of shame and embarrassment, is an inside job. Let people see you for who you are. Let yourself out and let people in.
It is not a betrayal to talk about your life or someone’s role in it. The only betrayal is to live a life without the support system you need to navigate this world as a woman.
Because we all deserve to feel the warm sand in our toes, as we run, bestie by our side, towards the peace and serenity of the ocean. Fully exposed, in our skimpiest bikini of emotions.
