Taming the Inner Critic and Embracing Change
Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Mentally drained. Stressed out. Physically tired.
Looking back now, it’s hard for me to admit I felt all those things such a short time ago. I know I wasn’t alone – so many of my colleagues and college students were feeling the same way post-COVID.
Figuring out what the ‘new normal’ might look like seemed daunting.
Finding myself at a crossroads, I realized I was no stranger to change and reinventing myself. Reinvention has been a theme in my life. Over 40 years, I have carved out several careers in the corporate world, as a leadership coach, and as an academic. Yet, even with what appeared on my resume, a series of successes, I felt this restlessness once again for a change.
For a fleeting moment, I toyed with the idea of retirement, but it didn’t feel right. This quiet, yet persistent whisper needed to finally be heard. Now was the time to listen to the song of my unfulfilled dream that has been with me since childhood. Deep down, I knew I wanted to be creative, to paint, draw, and explore the limitless possibilities of color. I wanted to be a professional artist.
Childhood Dreams and Societal Expectations
Despite my efforts to find ways to be creative in the business world, that thirst was never quenched. The decision to become an artist wasn’t a defining aha moment. Rather it was a gradual awakening that started when I was a little girl growing up on a farm in southern Alberta.
I always had a love for art. As a child, I longed to draw and colour. But chores, homework and looking after the farm animals took priority over art. My hardworking immigrant parents valued physical labor over the creative arts. They encouraged us to pursue post-secondary degrees in ‘respectable’ careers.
My parents dismissed my dream of pursuing a career in the arts as ‘fluffy nonsense.’ Following their advice, I found myself pursuing a business and then academic career. Looking back, I realized life happens when you’re busy making other plans!
Transitioning from academia to the world of art wasn’t without its challenges. Letting go of societal expectations, and my own self-doubt, wasn’t easy. I faced countless obstacles along the way. There were many moments when I questioned my decision. Moments when fear threatened to make me want to walk away and silence that passion to create once and for all.
The inner critic was loud. Old beliefs about needing to “prove” my worth resurfaced. I questioned whether I could call this new chapter of my life a “success”. I wrestled with thoughts like, “Am I good enough? Can I legitimately call myself an artist?”
I realized that the doubts I faced as an artist weren’t new. They were tied to perfectionism—something I had carried with me since childhood. Growing up, my parents encouraged us to excel and do our best, but I internalized that as needing to be perfect. That belief led me to think I wasn’t good enough, even when I was succeeding.
Small Victories and Validation
Winning the People’s Choice Award at my first exhibition was a huge validation of my work. Yet I still struggled with imposter syndrome and calling myself a professional artist. It’s a journey for me—a constant battle against the voices of doubt and insecurity.
I recently made a conscious choice to meet them head on with a newfound courage and resilience. That wasn’t always the case.
As a child, I endured relentless teasing. I was ‘too artsy’, had my head in the clouds and needed to be more serious. When I dared to be creative, I hid my artwork from the world. I believed what others kept telling me.
Now in my mid-60s, I decided it was time for a ‘readjustment’. I asked myself, “Am I going to keep dreaming about it, or do something about it?” I mustered the courage to share an idea for a painting with a friend. To my surprise, my friend’s reaction was not one of ridicule or dismissal but rather one of deep emotion.
Tears welled up in her eyes as the significance of my artwork resonated with her. In that moment, I realized the transformative power of my art. It had the ability to stir emotions and spark a connection. I realized in that moment that art could transcend the barriers of language and culture. It was an eye-opener for me—a validation of my reason to leap fearlessly ahead.
Embracing Creativity and Finding Healing
I embarked on a journey of self-discovery, self-healing, reinvention, and unbridled creativity. I traded my office for a cozy studio, set up an easel and I couldn’t be happier. Painting has become my way of healing, growing, and exploring creativity in new ways.
To anyone out there holding on to a dream, I want to say this: Age is just a number. Whether you’re 25 or 75, a seasoned or novice dreamer, never underestimate the power of your dreams.
The journey may not always be easy. But I promise you, it’s worth it. Pursue your passions – whatever they may be – it’s where you will find peace, joy and your most authentic self.
So, to all the dreamers out there: Take the leap. Overcome your fears. No dream is too big, no obstacle too daunting, and no journey too impossible, regardless of age. Now’s the time – embrace your passions and paint your own masterpiece.
About the Author
Name: Susan Boras
Professional Title: Contemporary Artist
