Understanding the Impact of Health Challenges
I’ve lived with health challenges my whole life, and I can tell you that one of the hardest parts isn’t the surgeries or the endless appointments. It’s feeling isolated from the people I love. Over the years, I’ve learned what helps and what hurts when supporting someone facing a health battle.
The holidays can be an especially challenging time. With Christmas and New Year parties to attend, fielding awkward questions about what’s wrong, why you don’t seem like yourself or why you haven’t touched the foods you normally enjoy, on top of not feeling well, is, quite frankly, exhausting!
If you have a friend or family who’s dealing with health issues, it’s important to understand the best way you can support them. Even with the best of intentions, it can be incredibly hard to find the right balance between being there for your loved one and unintentionally pushing them away.
Educate yourself, but don’t assume
When I was younger, I hated feeling like a medical condition instead of a person. While learning about someone’s illness is important, don’t act like you know it all.
Everyone’s journey with their disease is unique. In 2022, 29,000 people in Australia with kidney failure received a transplant, and I’m quite confident they each have a different story from mine.
A good tip is to ask your friend or family member exactly what they need from you. Questions like “How are you feeling today?” or “What can I do to help?” are a great place to start.
Trust me, that approach means more than rattling off facts from the internet.
Resist the urge to “fix” everything
When I faced surgery after surgery, there was no magic solution to make it all better. Hearing people say things like, “At least it’s not worse,” or offering solutions I’d already tried only made me feel unheard.
Sometimes, just knowing someone is there to listen is enough. A simple “I’m here for you” or “It’s okay to feel this way” can mean the world.
Respect their autonomy
One of the hardest parts of being sick is feeling like you have no control. Whether it was choosing when visitors could come or deciding on my treatment, being included in decisions helped me feel empowered.
Instead of planning things for your loved one, try asking, “Would you like company this week?” It shows you care without taking over.
Consistency is key
What got me through some of my darkest moments was knowing who I could count on. Whether it was my parents showing up during hospital stays or a friend texting me every week, consistency showed me I wasn’t alone. Even small gestures make a huge difference.
Mind your words
Language matters more than you might think. Phrases like, “Everything happens for a reason,” or “You’re so strong,” didn’t help when I felt anything but strong. On the surface, these sound like empowering and uplifting things to say, but in reality, they can make someone feel less in control than they already might.
When those closest to me acknowledged my feelings, whether they were fear, anger, or exhaustion, they made me feel seen.
Don’t exclude them
There were times when people assumed I couldn’t or wouldn’t want to attend an event or be part of a decision. While it came from a place of care, it made me feel left out. Include your loved ones, even if it’s just an invitation. If they decline, they’ll still appreciate being thought of.
Be flexible
Health challenges come with unpredictability. When I was in the middle of some of my biggest health challenges during my twenties, some days, I felt great, and others, I couldn’t get out of bed. The people who adapted to my needs without judgment helped me the most.
When making plans, leave room for changes and understand if someone cancels last minute, it’s not personal, it’s just reality.
Care for the caregivers
My parents and husband carried so much of the load during my health battles. Checking in with the caregivers in someone’s life is just as important as supporting the patient. A simple “How are you holding up?” or offering to help with their tasks can ease their burden.
Celebrate the wins
Living with a chronic illness isn’t all doom and gloom. When I finally received my kidney transplant, it was a moment of triumph worth celebrating. Recognize your loved one’s milestones, big or small, and let them feel that joy.
Practice patience and empathy
Above all, approach your loved ones with patience. Chronic health issues bring ups and downs, and sometimes, we just need space to feel our emotions. You don’t have to understand exactly what we’re going through, you just have to be there.
In my journey, the people who stood by me with kindness, patience, and love made all the difference. If someone in your life is facing health challenges, let them know they matter, not just as a patient, but as a person. It’s the greatest gift you can give.
About the Author
Name: Emmilia O’Sullivan
Bio: Emmilia O’Sullivan is a renowned author, motivational speaker, and podcaster whose life story is a testament to the human spirit’s indomitable resilience. Battling a myriad of health challenges, including kidney failure, cancer, and countless surgeries, Emmilia has defied the odds and emerged as a beacon of hope for those facing adversity.
Website: https://emmiliaosullivan.com/
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