Leading with Heart and Wading Through Fear – How Women Can Drop Control and Embrace Their Power
I am part of a lineage of female warriors. From fighting in revolutions in China, to the glass and bamboo ceiling in Corporate America. I am also part of a lineage of white women in America. When you overlay both of those truths, you find me in-between. Part rebel, but always fully invested in humanity, I’ve carved out a career re-connecting people with their power–their own warrior spirits-anchored in a philosophy of rebellious leadership
The thing is, being a warrior isn’t the archetype: strong, tough and alone. It means in the face of failure, bravely accepting fallibility. It means not pretending to be confident when you feel insecure and asking for what you need. It means choosing your truth and who you are when faced with being pressured to fit in a mold or appease someone else’s expectations.
If I had appeased the expectations of my mother, I’d live a totally different life than what was true to me. I am a sensitive badass who people pleases and struggles being liked. I’m also a bold, driven, proud queer woman–someone the opposite of what family, society and tradition desired. But letting go of acceptance and that pressure, not only freed me–it also freed my mother.
My mother was a tech pioneer in the 1980s and 90s. She was a Chinese woman who came to the States to get a graduate degree. She had an accent that immediately outed her otherness–but her leadership approach and influence was remarkable. She battled discrimination in society and loneliness in being one of the few female leaders, with more obstacles in her path to advancement than any of her male colleagues.
I saw her ache to be seen, valued, and heard. I saw how much she wanted true friendship and sisterhood, even if that meant searching in places that filled her with disappointment instead.
When I look back at my career, nothing about it is linear but it was always about pushing against expectations, molds, and reaching out to connect on a real level with women. It seemed that when I was successful, that connection was incredibly powerful, and it often intimidated men.
My first experience with this power was experimenting with a curriculum that might help young girls gain language around sexism and racism, a workshop on image vs identity at the Rock ‘n’ Roll Camp for Girls in Portland, Oregon. I saw that girls, when they unlearned and relearned the truth in what they were experiencing–body shaming, objectification, mean girl culture–they were hungry to rebel, together.
I took this success and joined as a founding member of the Willie Mae Rock Camp for Girls in Brooklyn, NY to continue to invest in spaces where women raise one another up, creating a culture of sisterhood and boldness. I then searched via social justice organizations and movements that drive change, like media-based after-school programs providing caring, community-driven spaces for teens and twenty-somethings to tell their stories using tools that could turn into careers.
That investigation brought me to San Francisco, and eventually, into corporate and tech roles, where I experimented with learning experiences that cultivate trust, self-awareness, and exceptional leaders.
Today, I’m an author, speaker and executive coach that runs my own consulting and coaching business. And I continue to carve out ways to keep the rebellious, warrior spirit alive in us all.
Rebellious Leadership isn’t Solo
What I know is that at any time in our lives, we need a clearing moment to invite things we might not have received growing up: self-love, a reminder we’re worthy, and have value not in what we do but by simply being who we are.
As we become leaders, without those moments to invite self-awareness and growth, which can feel terrifying, we wrestle with mixed messages. Like, as a leader, we’re supposed to be strong, win at all costs, and ultimately, alone in our heroism saving the day.
But that’s an untruth that we need to unlearn, while stoking our rebellious spirit and keeping them nurtured and alive. Because the truth is, rebellious leadership is not solo–it’s relational. It’s about disrupting your own personal silo and inviting help when you’re sinking into your comfort zone.
When we lead from that honesty and realness, we’re doing the work of the warrior. We’re letting go of attempting to outperform as the lone wolf. We’re vulnerable, authentic and seeking connection. We take the time to better understand “What do I need at this moment? What can I be curious about? What haven’t I considered?” to then vocalize that and lean into the community for support and keep our inner fire warm.
Being a rebel is about relating and connecting through the tension, the rawness of humanity, the uncertainty and honoring the people who stand by you during those tough moments because they know you’ve got their back when you’re called upon to do the same.
Having a Bold Heart
I’ve found that being a rebellious, authentic leader is about understanding that heart and boldness aren’t opposites—they’re a rhythm that drives our internal ability to lead with humanity at the center. That means a significant amount of empathy for you and others. Boldness is having the courage to live in your truth and choosing what you need, resisting giving away your power and mental health, or the hours of your day that get driven by a quest for perfection, praise, or someone else’s expectations.
Amplifying Each Other
After two decades supporting young women and then adult women on my teams, stakeholders and company-wide organizations–every woman can be an amplifier, a cheerleader, a friend. And every woman needs one.
Every room you occupy could be a space to highlight the gifts of another woman, advocating for their work, their successes. And sometimes, being a rebellious leader is speaking up when a colleague half listens to a woman speaking and hears an idea that they think is their own.
In those moments, with boldness and heart, say: “It sounds like you really liked Gina’s idea and want to build off of it. What did you want to add? Gina, thank you for presenting your great idea earlier in the meeting.”
Being a rebellious leader, and amplifying our collective warrior spirits means walking away from a false sense of perfection, and instead, celebrating the realness of our imperfection and fallibility–letting go of striving to be special, perfect, and chosen.
It’s time, right now, to choose living boldly, lifting our collective warrior spirits, and choose what truly fills our cup. It’s not only good for us, it’s good for our teams and all of those around us who are there when we need it most.
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About the Author
Name: Ingrid Hu Dahl
Professional Title: Author, Speaker, Certified Leadership Coach
Bio: Ingrid Hu Dahl is an author, speaker, certified leadership coach, and CEO and founder of a coaching and consulting business dedicated to empowering the next generation of leaders. With over two decades of experience, she brings her expertise to a wide range of industries, including corporate, media, nonprofit and social justice organizations
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