The Invisible Struggle of Women in Leadership
Oh, Mother(s)! How many times do manager-mothers sigh in despair when they don’t see the end of the tunnel in their infinite line of obligation as mothers, wives, and corporate leaders?
We witness today the most labor-demanding mothering the world has ever seen. This level of involvement in children’s lives is without precedent. Ironically, this occurred precisely when women started to reach high positions in work.
A few decades ago, parents were rarely expected to attend school events or drive their children to after-school activities.
Today, women are urged to aspire to leadership at the highest level. There is a caveat, though: they not only can “have it all”, but they are fatally flawed if they do not.
The Illusion of “Having It All”
FOMO constantly lingers over working mothers who fear the consequences of missing the most ordinary activities involving their kids.
Social media has only intensified the pressure: posting the event becomes more important than the event itself. Mothers compete with photoshopped, surreal birthday parties and sports events on social media, hopelessly trying to be as good as the other mothers.
According to the World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap Report, women remain underrepresented in leadership roles worldwide. Those who do make it to the top are admired professionally, yet criticized for every perceived absence in the family.
The “Supermother” as the New Photoshopped Model
I am a mother of two (now adults), with extensive management experience. I worked through the decades when women have been fighting to reach equal terms not only in management but in the workplace in general.
How many times have we read glossy magazine articles about women who are super managers, super mothers, and – judging by the photos – super models? Such articles are highly irritating to flesh-and-blood women juggling work and family. Also, nothing undermines women’s workplace equality more than such portrayals.
Today, it is prohibited in many countries to promote facial creams with extensive photo shopping. It is also prohibited to send underweight and underage models down the catwalk to present outfits. Not only because the pressure damages the health of the models themselves, but also because such images cause psychological harm to others.
The same happens with the super-manager-super-mothers, the corporate equivalents of photoshopped models. What we don’t see is their army of backstage support or, alternatively, the exhaustion and despair behind their polished image.
Just like those models, they make the rest of us feel as if we’re constantly failing to be perfect professionals, perfect mothers, perfect wives, perfect human beings.
The Reality Behind the Ideal
I was there. I am a mother, I was a manager, and yes -I tried to look good. I was mostly happy when I wasn’t neglected, and when I was either a good manager or a great mother. I am mostly grateful that I had the chance to be both – just not at the same time.
I focused on my career before my children were born. Then, when they were born, I became a full-time mother for several years. I was there when they took their first steps and started to speak. The most beautiful time of my life.
When I eventually returned to work, I assumed the role of the not-so-super mother and manager. I couldn’t spend as much time with my children as I wanted to, but we had help: we could count on my parents. So, we – together – made sure that our children were extensively loved and well cared for.
I would never pretend, however, that I was the best mother on Earth while being a full-time manager. No one can be.
In reality, there is no such work-life balance; only a constant trade-off between work and personal life.
The New Trap for Working Mothers
Social expectations and media clickbait have created a trap for us. Women are told to reach higher and never stop. At the same time, we are being judged for every moment we are physically or emotionally absent from home.
The modern narrative tells us that a successful woman leads at work, attends school events, cooks in the evenings, and posts a perfect family photo by morning.
When you see posts and articles portraying such a superwoman, always remember the photo-shopping and the lies behind it. We all have twenty-four hours a day.
Perhaps it is time to stop pretending.
There’s no way to get off this hamster wheel without defining our priorities and defending our boundaries. We must find the courage to push back against expectations that have little to do with what truly matters – to us, our families, and our well-being.
Choosing What Truly Matters
You are a wonderful person if you choose to be a mother and delay or limit your career. You are equally wonderful if you choose your career and ask for help with the family. And you are remarkable if you undertake the challenge of being a mother and a manager.
Do not beat yourself up for not being perfect on all fronts – nobody is. Choose your priorities wisely and live in peace with your decision.
We often say that life is too short for many things. But in truth, for most of us, life is comfortably long enough to focus on many important things – just not all of them at once.
Name: Hedi Kovacs-Resnik
Professional Title: Organizational Psychologist & Leadership Coach
Bio: Hedi Kovacs-Resnik is an organisational psychologist, leadership coach, and educator with over twenty-five years of senior management experience across Europe. She helps women in leadership navigate change, authenticity, and balance. Drawing on both her executive background and her experience as a mother, she empowers leaders to define success on their own terms.
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