The system was never designed for you.
So why are you still trying to operate in it like some standard operating procedure?
At some point, every woman in leadership or business hits a moment where she realizes that doing everything “right” is no longer getting her to where she’s trying to go.
And that’s when the frustration starts.
Because now you’re stuck in this space where all the noise starts creeping in.
– “It’s because I’m too much.”
– “It’s because I’m not enough.”
– “It’s because of this.”
– “It’s because of that.”
And if we’re being totally honest, it’s exhausting. Because nobody talks about this part. There comes a point where the rules that helped you succeed… start to limit you.
– Not because they were wrong, but because they were built for a version of you that settled. A version that played it safe because society told us to.
– Be humble, not confident.
– Be quiet, not powerful.
– Be nurturing, not direct.
And instead of questioning the rules, or the people who created them, most women start questioning themselves.
Let’s stop that right here and now.
You already know you work at least twice as hard. So we’re not about to sit here and pretend that’s the issue.
Action Step: Recognize when you’ve outgrown the system you’re still trying to operate in.
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When You Outgrow the System, Personal Leadership Standards Create Friction
This is where a lot of women in leadership and business get stuck.
Because on paper, you’re still doing everything right. You’re showing up, you’re executing, and you’re meeting expectations.
But internally, something feels off.
You start overthinking decisions that used to feel natural. You hesitate in rooms you know you belong in. You find yourself operating in ways that don’t actually feel aligned anymore.
And it creates a tension between who you are now and how you’re still showing up. Because your personal leadership standards have evolved, even if your environment hasn’t.
That tension is expensive.
Not just emotionally, but in opportunity. Because when you’re trying to grow inside a system that no longer fits you, your decisions slow down, your presence shifts, and your confidence becomes inconsistent. And people feel that.
Not because you’re not capable, but because you’ve evolved and the framework you’re using hasn’t.
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Where This Shows Up (Even When Everything Looks Fine)
This doesn’t always show up in obvious ways.
In fact, for most women in leadership and business, it shows up when everything still looks like it’s working. You’ve done the work to get here. You’re in the role you wanted, sitting in rooms you once worked to be in.
And yet… something about the way you’re moving through it doesn’t feel the same. That disconnect is often a sign that your personal leadership standards have outgrown your current way of operating.
It shows up in small moments.
– Like when you second-guess a decision you already know the answer to.
– Or when you soften your perspective in a room where you should be leading the conversation.
– Or when you find yourself preparing more than necessary, just to feel ready.
It shows up when you realize you’re still operating in a way that requires you to prove yourself even though you know you are already accomplished and deserve more.
And over time, that creates a quiet disconnect.
Because externally, everything says you’re qualified.
But internally, you know you’re not fully showing up as the woman you’ve become.
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What I See in My Work
This is something I see all the time in my work.
Not in an obvious way, but in the subtle decisions women make about how they show up.
I’ll have women come to me who are stepping into bigger roles, higher visibility, more influence and the first thing they reach for is what they believe they’re supposed to wear.
– The safe option.
– The expected option.
– The black suit or the grey trousers.
The version of professionalism that feels familiar, but not fully aligned. Because it reflects outdated personal leadership standards that were never for you anyway.
And when we start talking about it, it’s rarely about the clothes.
It’s about what those choices represent. They say they chose them because they’re trying to be taken seriously and be accepted.
Because somewhere along the way, women were taught that in order to be respected, they needed to minimize themselves into something more “appropriate”.
But the reality is… most of the women I work with have already outgrown that version of themselves.
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New Heights Require New Personal Leadership Standards
At a certain point, growth stops being about learning more and starts being about deciding differently.
This is where most advice falls short because it keeps telling women to improve. Advice like, get more experience or more credentials. But what’s actually required is elevation.
– New standards.
– New personal leadership standards.
Not in a performative way, but in a way that reflects who you’ve become.
Standards around how you make decisions, what you tolerate, how you show up, and what you no longer negotiate.
Because once you’ve outgrown the system, there isn’t a single external roadmap that will fully apply to you anymore.
Action Step: Stop looking for the right way to do things and start trusting your own way of doing them. That’s what it means to define your personal leadership standards on your own terms.
That’s the important shift.
Name: Bria Johnson
Professional Title: Chief Style Strategist
Bio: Bria Johnson is the Chief Style Strategist and founder of I.C.O.N.I.C With Style™, a personal styling consultancy helping women align their wardrobe with their evolving identity. With nearly two decades of combined leadership and image-consulting experience, she aligns identity, image, and influence—transforming style into a strategic asset.
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