How One Woman Turned A Childhood Label Into A Lifelong Mission

When the System Fails a Child: What I Want Every Educator and Parent to Know

After being mislabeled at just eight years old, Bethelene Hart spent decades rebuilding her self-worth. Today, she’s an educator, parenting expert, and author helping to ensure no child is ever misunderstood the way she was.

I was 8 years old and attending my fourth school by the time I was in grade 3. Our class was taking a test. I wanted to impress my new teacher and my goal was to be done first. It was a multiple choice test and I randomly answered the questions. Little did I know, that test would affect my academic future, mental health and self-esteem? It was an IQ test!

The principal told my mother I had scored very low, and used a term we consider derogatory now but was acceptable at the time; he said I was mentally retarded. My mother didn’t question the authority of the principal.

Without any conversation or preparation, I was moved to the remedial class, referred to as the “dummy” class by the kids in the school. The class was not just for slow learners, it was behavioural kids and basically children who didn’t fit in. From that point on, the unspoken message was that I was not smart. My academics were stunted and fraught with shame.

I developed anxiety. The new classroom was chaotic. I had stomach aches and headaches daily. I dreaded going to school. My parents had no idea what I was experiencing.

I internalized the notion that I was not worth anyone’s time or encouragement. I drifted through school with low self-esteem and barely made it through high school.

I asked my mother in my 20s, why I was moved to that class in grade 3? That’s when I heard the story for the first time. “Was that what you thought of me?” I asked incredulously! “I didn’t know,” she answered. “I just felt bad for you.”

The turning point for me was when I married and had children of my own. I wanted to parent differently. I attended parenting classes and trained to be a parenting instructor.

I was hired by the school board and my first assignment was as an assistant in a behavioural classroom. I was a voice and advocate for these children.

I went back to school as a mature student and graduated with honours in the field of Early Childhood Education. This has been my passion and career.

I worked for the school board for over a decade in special education and early literacy. My next position was as a consultant with a children’s mental health agency supporting schools and childcare centres.

My area of specialty is social, emotional and behavioural. I was keenly aware of children being labelled or misdiagnosed.

– I would be called in because a child was labelled aggressive, only to point out they had a language delay.
– One child was 3 years old! In the meantime, the child was being reprimanded as being aggressive and had now internalized this label. The staff had to relearn how to engage with the child to undo the pattern they had created.

Another child was labelled oppositional defiant because she took off her socks and shoes and refused to put them back on. I observed the 6-year-old girl. I asked the staff if they ever asked the child if something about her socks and shoes bothered her feet. They hadn’t. Instead, they ended up in a power struggle, bribing, punitive and frustrated with her lack of cooperation.

When the educator asked if the socks and shoes bothered her feet, she replied, “Yes!” “I don’t like when the sock is up,” meaning, the heel of the sock would move around to the top of her foot which she found uncomfortable. The child had a sensory issue not a behavioural issue.

Labels seem convenient to the education and childcare sector. Kids are slotted into their different categories. Even a term like “shy” is not helpful. I refer to it as “slow to warm up”. A child who needs time to assess their surroundings, understand the expectations and figure out where they fit in before they are fully comfortable is actually quite normal and mature

. When adults talk about a child in front of them, and use the label like “shy” to describe the child, they inadvertently give the connotation that there is something wrong with them. The child starts to internalize that their way of moving through the world isn’t OK.

Imagine a developmentally typical high energy child being reprimanded throughout the day for doing what comes naturally to them. It’s hard for some of these children to sit still for long periods of time. Brain science notes that the maximum a child can concentrate is 12 to 18 minutes.

I see this time and time again, where a high energy child is scolded because they need body breaks and are not able to focus on a task. That child will now internalize they are “bad” because of who they naturally are. The other children pick up on this negative culture and start to imitate the attitude of the educator towards their peer.

My mission is to shift the narrative about labelling children and raise awareness of the consequences.

Additional Links:
https://www.brainbalancecenters.com/blog/normal-attention-span-expectations-by-age

https://www.chconline.org/resourcelibrary/the-pros-and-cons-of-educational-labels/

About the Author

Name: Bethelene Hart

Professional Title: Parenting And Childcare Expert

Bio: Bethelene Hart Is A Parenting & Childcare Expert With Over 30 Years Of Experience Supporting Families And Educators Across Canada. She Specializes In Emotional Literacy, Behavior, And Connection-based Parenting. She Is The Founder Of Parenting By Hart And The Author Of Two Children’s Books That Help Kids Build Emotional Resilience Through Story.