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How my Loss Became my Legacy From Self-Doubt to Visionary Game Changer

How My Loss Became My Legacy from Self-Doubt to Visionary Game Changer

Expectations and the Unknown

I once danced on the precipice of joy and hope, navigating the terrain of expectation during my second pregnancy. Life’s canvas was painted with assumptions of smooth sailing, but destiny had its brushstrokes. The six-week scan revealed silence, a heartbeat unheard. Miscarriage plunged me into the abyss of the unknown.

In the echoes of lost dreams, I doubted the strength within, my ability to weather the storm. The pain mirrored labour, and I questioned my resilience.

In the darkness, my identity crumbled—the mother, creator, and nurturer vanished. Alone in my pain, I faced the void, drowning in uncertainty.

I emerged as the Phoenix, a symbol of rebirth. Grief became my ally, a catalyst for transformation. In the abyss, I found a visionary dream.

The Catalyst – Grief and Surrender

Grief cast a shadow, turning my world monochrome. Alexa Sunshine Rose‘s lyrics became my mantra: “I release control, and surrender to the flow”. 

I returned to work prematurely, donning a mask of normalcy. Unseen iron deficiency and internal emotional chaos pushed me to the brink. Frustration seethed. I became a martyr and felt I had to sacrifice for everyone else, numbing my own pain. 

I felt unseen, unheard, alone. The bitterness of martyrdom clouded my vision, and I danced with anxiety, depression, burnout, yet deep in denial. In the void, my identity lay shattered, each piece a shard of the woman I thought I was. 

Being present in the darkness and void, I had my identity stripped away: the mother and nurturer, a creator of life, the supportive wife, the hard-working teacher. 

All of this, to finally realise I couldn’t live like this anymore. I had to surrender to the deepest grief I ever experienced. 

I sought help. I had a beautiful psychologist who gave me many practical tools and a safe space to understand my emotions and energy flow. They taught me that emotions = Energy in Motion. They are a way for our nervous system to communicate through our body. We started reframing my relationship to my triggers, rewiring and re-building my emotional intelligence and bandwidth for myself. 

In this transformative phase, I found solace in connecting with feminine life coaches and breathwork facilitators. Seeking a slowdown and deep connection, I invested in mentors, embracing breathwork to heal my inner child and confront limiting narratives from my youth. Unearthing feelings of unworthiness and brokenness, I delved into healing motherhood wounds and intergenerational trauma, fostering a profound journey of self-discovery.

In learning about self-love and self-care, I also learned that I did not feel safe in my own body. I taught myself to feel pleasure again, which was connected to my womb and my yoni – coming home to the power of my body wisdom. Releasing and grieving this ‘loss,’ and therefore, the death of who I was, was a symbolic resurrection in a way. 

Tools in hand, I rewired my emotional landscape. The void became a canvas for self-reclamation.

Initiation into the Sacred Feminine

Dancing became a cathartic release. Somatic movement, breathwork, and feminine mentors guided me. In a breathwork session, I proclaimed, “I am not my mother.” Tears flowed—sorrow, and grief, but also joy and relief. The dance transformed me, Phoenix reborn.

I questioned my role—hero or martyr? Shadows lurked as I navigated the duality of human and divine. How to embody the Queen without succumbing to victimhood? The shadows of unworthiness lingered, and I was forced to face these parts of self in order to integrate and heal.

Villinies states in What is shadow work? What to know that in delving into self-discovery, we encounter shadow work, which is rooted in Jungian psychology. Jung proposed the persona—our public face—and the shadow self, are often hiding traits we’d rather keep concealed. Crucially, Jung didn’t see the shadow as a negative or shameful aspect; it’s significant in the psyche. Shadow work harmonises these aspects, giving mastery over neglected impulses like anger, grief, or greed, and fostering profound self-understanding. 

Shadow work unveiled the divine and human within my own journey. The dance of duality—polarity embraced. 

The Oracle Within – Remembrance and Legacy

Breaking barriers around womb space, yoni, and energy unveiled a mission. Menarche’s memory drove me—to celebrate femininity and educate on cycles. The healing journey was a preparation. I embraced the expansive role of guide, educator, and feminine leader, in a new light (not ‘just’ the school teacher any more).

I journeyed back to understanding the inner child, and adolescence, wishing for celebration during Menarche. My loss became a legacy.

In perfect divine timing, my role as a guide and educator unfolded. Empowering girls and mothers became my calling, and a visionary mission to shift and uplift communities, humanity and paradigms of thinking, learning, being and embodying, were birthed into being. 

The legacy is a paradigm shift, breaking narratives of shame and unworthiness. Rites of passage redefine womanhood.

From self-doubt and loss of identity to visionary leadership; this is how my evolutionary ‘origin’ superwoman story began. The dance with shadows, surrender to the void, and the emergence of a new identity and legacy—weaved together, composing a melody of authenticity, resilience, and a visionary dream to change paradigms and ignite Divine Feminine Leadership.


About the Author

Women Thrive Magazine Author - Marie Ferguson

Name: Marie Ferguson 

Professional Title: Feminine Embodiment Coach / Founder of Menarche Project

Bio:  Meet Marie Ferguson, a remarkable force in the realms of feminine embodiment, youth empowerment, and creative expression. With over 16 years of experience in education, specializing in the Arts and holding a Masters of Education, she has a profound love for empowering young women. Her journey is marked by resilience and empowerment, transcending personal challenges, including occupational burnout and multiple miscarriages. Drawing from ancient wisdom rooted in Priestess lineages, she now guides others on the profound journey of reconnecting with their feminine essence.

Website: menarcheproject.com 

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Media platform spotlighting and celebrating entrepreneurial women and their achievements. Creating a platform where every woman can be seen and heard. We are disrupting the media industry by democratising media channels for women. If you have a business or an idea and you would like to rise and thrive, you are in the right place.

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