There are so many things I wish someone had told me before, and after, my divorce. And now, I am here to share what those things are with you. Starting with divorce doesn’t decide what’s next, you, and only you, decide that.
Let’s start with how divorce affects us, as women. Divorce has this way of robbing us of certain parts of us; it changes how we see ourselves, it makes us doubt ourselves, and for many of us, this is harder than the actual divorce.
Realizing this is step one. Step two is embracing that what happens after your divorce is completely up to you. You can choose growth. You can choose healing. You can choose YOU.
I know because I have done all of these things and have witnessed so many other women doing them too. And these things? They are the ultimate form of self care, of self love. But they are also a choice you have to make not just once, but over and over, because this journey of healing after divorce is the opposite of linear; it is messy, uncomfortable, and challenging.
Step three starts with being selfish. Yes, selfish. I know this sounds incredibly wrong, women be selfish? I see you telling yourself that can’t be the answer. I’m here to tell you it IS the answer. It’s the answer because it goes against everything we are taught our entire lives, it goes against everything society wants us to be.
Let me explain. As girls and then as women, we are taught our value is in our sacrifice, in what we do for others. It’s in our relationship status, think Miss, Mrs, Ms. versus Mr., we are literally labeled based on our relationship status.
We are conditioned to ensure everyone around us is comfortable and taken care of while abandoning our own needs and wants. This makes sure the world benefits but what is this doing to us?
I will tell you. It is leading to massive levels of shame, resentment, guilt, and burn out. It leads to immune diseases. Mental health problems. It is robbing the world of who women really are, and how we can make the world better.
I believe the world is better served by women living connected, aligned, and from a place of power and possibility. This shouldn’t be radical thinking but yet it is. And sadly, this isn’t where most of us are living our lives from. That is because of one simple thing; we haven’t given ourselves permission yet. Key word being yet.
So be selfish with me. Give yourself permission to put you first. I promise it is worth it! Since I made the choice to be selfish, I have:
– Gone on multiple solo trips
– Bought a horse
– Started a new business
– Met incredible people who love and support me for exactly who I am
And so much more!
I want this for all women. I want women to prioritize their happiness, their goals, their dreams. I want women to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and focus on what they want. I want women to stop focusing on who society needs, and wants us to be, and focus on ourselves. I want women to be SELFISH.
But also, can we pause for a second to acknowledge none of these things are actually selfish? I only use that word because it’s one everyone knows. I believe society and the people in our lives who expect us to sacrifice ourselves are the selfish ones.
I believe honoring and choosing ourselves isn’t just important, it is NECESSARY. For our health and our future. So rather than saying it’s selfish for women to do these things, I say it is necessary for women to do these things.
It means deconstructing everything you thought to be true about where our value comes from. It means getting to know yourself on the most intimate of levels, and accepting all parts of yourself. It means saying no when your conditioning is screaming at you to say yes.
So, how brave are you feeling? If you’re unsure, ask yourself what you want your life to look and feel like then sit with all of the discomfort and fear that comes up. Then, choose you. Be selfish. Change your life and the world around you. Make it necessary.
Name: Nicki Laberge
Professional Title: Women’s Self Worth And Freedom Facilitator
Bio: Nicki is a self-worth and freedom facilitator for women after divorce. She empowers women to be brave, break free from limiting beliefs, set healthy boundaries, and rediscover their worth. Nicki’s mission is to help women not just survive divorce, but use it as a catalyst for growth, healing, and lasting empowerment.
