We’ve all been there— witnessing a friend’s excitement over some great news that’s life-changing. They’re over-the-moon excited and openly reacting with an abundance of animation. For all the wonderful feelings they’re going through, you’re cringing with envy. People usually say this reaction is just human nature, but is being human enough of an excuse for such negativity?
Despite our efforts, many of us have a negative gut reaction to others’ success, and as much as we try to suppress the negativity, envy still rears its ugly head. But maybe our envy has very little to do with our friend’s accomplishment and far more to do with our self-worth.
Understanding the Psychology Behind Envy
As explored in the article Examining the Jealousy of Success through Psychological Concepts by Mo Kaiser, our jealousy is explained by Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory. This theory states that we measure our self-worth with the accomplishments of others. Social Comparison Theory is just one of many explanations for our unwarranted reaction to others’ achievements, but it probably rings a bell with many.
Therefore, do we settle for the excuse that our responses are natural since science seems to give us that ‘out’? Or do we believe that as human beings we can do better and that we shouldn’t get down on ourselves when others seem to be achieving more? The answer to the problem lies in the mentality you choose.
Three Questions to Transform Envy into Inspiration
If you tend to feel negative about your self-worth when others succeed, here are three questions to ask yourself. Your answers might hold the key to flipping that negative to the positive.
1. Why am I giving my feelings of envy and inadequacy any power?
You have 100% control over you. Giving your negative feelings more power than they deserve will set you up for a crippling dose of the blues. To shake this funk, think of at least three positives you’ve accomplished recently. Highlighting your achievements is the best way to combat inadequacy spurred by envy.
2. How does the success of others threaten me?
You’re not expected to do everything other people accomplish. They have their own goals and agenda. Understand that you’re on a different path, not a lesser one.3. What are you doing that’s really important to you?
As long as you have a passion or a goal you’re working toward, you should feel proud of your commitment. If this question is difficult to answer, take a minute to get back on track. Maybe you’ve been slacking off a bit when it comes to goals. That’s okay. Then this experience has been a wake-up call. Use it to improve instead of feeling down about yourself.
Strategies to Overcome Envy
An occasional pang of envy is not the end of the world. Just understand that your feelings should not progress and cause a severe case of low self-worth or a rift in a good friendship. Here are two strategies to use ‘in the moment’ to ward off the green-eyed monster.
- Think of how wonderful that feeling of excitement is when you experience it for yourself, and absorb the positive energy rather than repel it.
- Remind yourself that your friend’s achievements belong to them just as you own yours. Theirs have no reflection on you.
To answer the question posed in the title, I conclude that there’s never any room for excuses. Being human affords us some awesome abilities, one of which is to adopt a healthy mindset that fosters positivity. Understanding that our friends’ accomplishments have no reflection on our self-worth is a giant step toward quelling envy. By adopting this understanding on a large scale, we can possibly begin to change the dynamic of what ‘being human’ really means.
For another article about the power of the human mindset, consider Karyn Del Mol’s Empowered Healing Reclaiming Life with Wonderful New Perspectives.
About the Author
Name: Marcy Bialeschki
Professional Title: #1 Bestselling author, Founder of Tastefully Sexy by MarcyB, and an Aspiring Mindset Coach
Bio: Marcy Bialeschki is an award-winning, #1 bestselling author, founder of Tastefully Sexy by MarcyB, and an aspiring Mindset Coach. An educator for 36 years, Marcy has a Master’s degree in English and a Master’s in Human Development Counseling, both from the University of Illinois. Marcy has published numerous online articles, and in March 2024, Words Matter Publishing took on her four-book romance-suspense series and published book I, Deception & Consequences.
Deception & Consequences went #1 in its genre just fifteen days post-publication, won the Literary Titan Award, and boasts several prestigious five-star Readers’ Choice Reviews. In her entrepreneurial pursuit, Marcy has collaborated with local small businesses. The results include radio commercial spots, guest appearances, and lasting business relationships. In all, these collaborations connected Marcy to a whole new network of people supporting her writing.
Marcy has learned another valuable lesson about the business of writing— to achieve success, she had to have the confidence to invest in herself. Monetarily, emotionally, and personally, Marcy’s mindset became one of measuring her own worth and believing in her talents. Today, she encourages others to heed the marvelous truth she discovered— It’s your dream. You must make it happen, and to do so, you must take that marvelously terrifying leap of faith and know you’re worth it.
Website: https://marcyb.net
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