Embracing Equality in Parenting
I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but I also wanted a career. Could I do it? I had to embrace equality in parenting.
Growing up in the ‘70s and ’80s, my mother assumed the only role she knew – planner, cook, maid, and glorified taxi driver. She could also add a landscaper, painter, and general fixer to her resume. She did it all and did not seem happy in the slightest.
My stepfather worked outside the home and provided financial support. He did pay the bills, but I learned later that Mom had no idea about the finances. While he was napping on the weekends, my mother continued her daily routine. She clocked in about 80 to 90 hours per week. He worked 40 to 50. I told myself, “hell no,” quite often!
“I firmly believe that women are superheroes in many ways, but to think you can do it all well is not sustainable.”
I was not a bit interested in my mother’s role. I was a dreamer, adventurous, and more career-oriented, and I often questioned whether raising a family and having a career as a woman was possible.
I remember my first conversation with my parents about male and female roles. I was 17. I was acutely aware I would not win the argument about my plan to have a family and career. I shared my vision of the man I would marry and our partnership. I argued that the roles appeared unbalanced and the man I married would support my career. There was a sarcastic chuckle and a comment, “Good luck with that.” he said. “I can’t wait until you have kids and get married!” she said.
I could have walked away with my head down, feeling defeated, but I did not. I felt empowered to prove them wrong and achieve equality in parenting. I’m convinced this was the day my mantra: “she believed she could, so she did,” was born. Fast forward to the present.
Ladies and gentlemen —welcome to modern motherhood! It’s 2024, and we are doing it! If you haven’t embraced the new, blurry gender roles and buried the old ones — it’s time.
Besides carrying and delivering a baby and breastfeeding, I cannot think of any other tasks in raising a family and managing a household that a man cannot do. I know a few men in my social circle who are exceptional in the kitchen, and my girlfriends are not! I also have a girlfriend who never runs away from a DIY project, but her husband does. The gender roles continue to blur.
I firmly believe that women are superheroes in many ways, but to think you can do it all well is not sustainable. No one can, without mental and physical fatigue. But for some reason, we still try even though, like myself, we want an equal partnership with our spouse.
I married my husband later in life. I was 45, and he was 56—a baby boomer who married a younger woman determined to insist on change and bury the traditional gender roles. My husband was married for 26 years before we tied the knot. His experience was very conventional in his first marriage, and just like most other men, he spent very little time raising his children. He regrets those missed years immensely. Men can’t do it all, either.
Our marriage has always been a partnership. Our roles are somewhat defined to create order and organization but are flexible. Our rules are simple. We share our schedule for the week and make a plan to divide and conquer. We both have a career, a business to run, children, grandchildren, pets, parents and household chores.
How we are embracing equality in parenting:
- We take turns running the kids around. We both shop for groceries.
- We both cook (I’m a better griller, and he’s better at making breakfast).
- We both participate in school conferences and meetings.
- He prefers to handle the finances, but I know what is happening with our money.
- We both have a career and run our business together.
- He is present for our children.
- He does not wait until I collapse before stepping in to help me, no matter what it is.
The last four years have been a season of change in our home. My husband assumed the role of mom and dad, educator, nurse, banker, and counselor. With all that life has hit him with, he handled it with grace and strength. He took care of our family in so many ways.
He is a fantastic father and partner. He is present for all of us. I have learned to let go and allow him to take the wheel when I cannot. After three years of trauma therapy, I have shed shame, anger, and control. That last word is significant. Let it go – the dishes, the laundry, etc. You will be happier! And ask for help when you need it. You will be a better mom now because he is a better father and husband. I love our equality in parenting.
Welcome to modern motherhood and fatherhood, where you can do more of what you love because you are in it together as partners.
After three years of trauma therapy, I have shed shame, anger, and control. That last word is significant. Let it go – the dishes, the laundry, etc. You will be happier! And ask for help when you need it. You will be a better mom now because he is a better father and husband.
Welcome to modern motherhood and fatherhood, where you can do more of what you love because you are in it together as partners. Be present for your children and, most of all, for each other to achieve equality in parenting.
Our marriage has always been a partnership. Our roles are somewhat defined to create order and organization but are flexible.
About the Author
Name: Kim Blythe
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Bio: Kim Blythe is a highly accomplished sales visionary, empowerment expert, business trailblazer and author with over 30 years of experience in real estate and franchise sales. She is a passionate, authentic woman who loves hard and laughs often, embodying a unique blend of strength and warmth. Kim’s mission is two-fold; to diffuse the stigma that makes sexual trauma a taboo topic while helping women of all ages realize trauma is not a life sentence.
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