Dating Tips for Single Moms
“Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.” ~ Coco Chanel
Of course, I never envisioned myself as a single mother, navigating this journey alone – meeting the needs of my son and daughter solo, while juggling a job that would barely cover my financial obligations. Every penny is stretched so I can provide for them, from putting food on the table to funding their extracurricular activities. All priorities revolve around them, with little consideration for my own needs in life. It’s my assertion that the shocking realization of this financial burden often propels many to rush into finding a new romantic partner, hoping to alleviate some of the strain.
Certainly, seeking a new relationship solely to alleviate the burdens of single parenthood is far from the ideal motivation. After the end of a relationship, embarking on the journey of rediscovery amidst life’s chaos can pose challenges. I vividly recall a moment a month into my separation. While building a LEGO set with my seven-year-old son, he glanced up at me and remarked, “Mom, you’ve been smiling a lot more lately. I like it.” My heart just stopped as that simple statement highlighted his remarkable sensitivity to the energy I exuded.
It was evident that he had previously sensed the stress and unhappiness that permeated my being prior to the separation. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized the profound importance of redirecting my energy towards positivity. I started reprogramming my mindset and raising my energy to attract positive influences into my life, including the love of my life. I like to playfully call this process “creating your Love Life Self 2.0 to 5.0”. It’s about gradually evolving into new versions of yourself that align more closely with your true desires and understanding your worth.
So, your career is thriving as you’re making big waves in the business world and now, you think you are ready to venture into the challenging terrain of the dating world. You’re truly courageous because it’s rough out here! Right now you may be “swiping” left and right on the dating app of choice, watching YouTube videos on “raising your vibration”, and clicking through the multitude of personal development channels watching relationship coaches teach you all about the “4 attachment styles” and “the 5 things he will do when he secretly loves you”.
“To reach that 5.0 version of yourself, you must open your heart and embrace vulnerability.”
Empowering Growth and Embracing Vulnerability for Single Moms
While these steps can be empowering, the truth is that our journey of growth and evolution comes from within, it must be intentional and ongoing. So much so, that by the time we reach the 5.0 version of ourselves, we may finally find that perfectly-imperfect partner we have been longing for. Only to realize they might still be navigating their own growth, perhaps only at the 2.0 version of themselves. This is where it gets complicated.
Single parents often approach relationships with emotional barriers and guarded hearts, stemming from past hurts. What I’ve learned is that allowing past heartbreak to dictate your present will hinder your chances of finding the deep connection you crave. Being emotionally unavailable and shutting yourself off out of fear of reliving past pain will rob you from finding true love. To reach that 5.0 version of yourself, you must open your heart and embrace vulnerability. Express your feelings and clearly communicate what you want from the relationship. Yes, you might face rejection, but sometimes perceiving their response as rejection is the wrong way to look at it.
I know, it’s easier said than done. In my ten years of dating as a single mom, encountering only two men who truly stirred genuine feelings inside me speaks to the rarity of authentic connections in this modern dating world. In fact, the latter of the two men has only been in my life for the past eight months. When we met, I immediately found myself deeply enamored with him. Intuitively, I know we have a very special connection and I have “all the feels” for him.
But, alas as a single dad, I feel that he is in the midst of rediscovery and finds himself closer to that first stage of the 2.0 version of his Love Life Self. And the 5.0 version of myself is not allowing that old version to surface. That girl would have made a lot of excuses as to why he isn’t calling and texting back, or making valiant efforts to spend time with me.
While his inconsistencies and inaction towards me are painful, they clearly indicate that he is not ready for the type of relationship I desire. He’s just not as invested and that is alright, it doesn’t make him a bad guy; his 2.0 version is simply not compatible with my 5.0 version. You have to make the decision as to whether or not their limitations and the way in which they keep you at arms length will be something that you can tolerate. Every situation is different, but if you have empathy and patience, all will be revealed in time.
Despite having deep feelings for him, all signs point to the fact that he simply does not share the same feelings for me at this time. Does that make me sad? YES – have I cried? OH YEAH. Just because you are a 5.0 version, doesn’t mean you are made of steel. Process the loss of someone you truly felt was your person. But, I urge you to look at my situation not as rejection, but more of an opportunity for growth and know that when this happens to you, you can be strong enough to respect yourself first and foremost to move on from something you truly wanted, but wasn’t reciprocated. This is when you know you are at your 5.0 version. It will bring you closer to the relationship you want when you are confident in your resilience and have an open heart.
I hold onto the belief that everything unfolds for a reason, and people come into our lives for a purpose. Sometimes, they’re here to teach us valuable lessons, while other times, they may be the very person we’ve been searching for. The higher power that you believe in, has your back, don’t doubt that. What is meant for you will not pass you by.
As a single mom, you are undeniably relevant in every aspect of your life, and you don’t require anyone else to validate that truth for you. You are the remarkable individual whom your children admire and rely on, and your strength is a beacon of hope for them. We carry a profound responsibility to set an example for our children, not just through our words but through our actions as well. By demonstrating self-respect and advocating for what we deserve in relationships, we install invaluable lessons about the importance of boundaries, self-worth and mutual respect. Remember, they are sensitive to our energy.
“I hold onto the belief that everything unfolds for a reason, and people come into our lives for a purpose.”
I’ve begun incorporating this sentiment into all of my “love” conversations because it always resonates with the energy I inhabit when speaking of finding love. As Whitney Houston so eloquently put it, “I want to dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me.” That somebody is out there, somewhere, waiting to meet you. In the meantime, focus on becoming the woman you aspire to be when they arrive, you’ll be irresistible. Embrace your strength, cherish your independence, and continue to inspire those around you, especially your children, as you navigate dating with grace and resilience.
About the Author
Name: Emily Sanders
Professional Title: Business Development Consultant, Business Owner, Author, Medical Massage Therapist, and Retired Professional Dancer
Bio: After years of developing her client base and gaining expertise in medically focused massage therapy, Emily has now owned and run her own practice for 11 years. Additionally, she founded Ilaria Entrepreneurial Investments LLC, with the aim of supporting and guiding independent contractors in business development and establishing their practices, inspired by her journey in 2013. In June 2021, Emily competed for and won the Miss Colorado for America title and has collaborated with the Blue Bench Organization to promote rape prevention education in middle and high schools. Furthermore, Emily has discovered a passion for writing, with her work featured in Women Thrive magazine and proudly serving as a co-author in Women Thrive Volume III, Inspiring True Stories of Women Overcoming Adversity.
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