Living Through It, Not Just Talking About It
As a clinical psychologist in private practice, I regularly support clients through life transitions. Recently, however, I’ve found myself navigating several major life changes of my own. These have included relocating from London to Canada after my husband was offered an exciting career opportunity, reconfiguring my professional practice in a new country, and most profoundly, caring for my young daughter after she was diagnosed with a heart condition. It’s been a difficult road, and the journey is not yet over.
On reflection, this chapter of my life has also given me a deeper, more personal understanding of what it means to face significant life changes and taught me how to transition well. Transitioning through change is not about having all the answers, but about accepting vulnerability and discomfort while developing the resilience, patience, and clarity needed to move forward.
Women often face unique emotional challenges during major transitions, making support and awareness essential—an issue highlighted by the [Mental Health Foundation]. That’s why I’d like to offer some insights to help anyone going through a significant life transition.
Change vs. Transition
Transition is the process we go through in response to change. In the words of William Bridges, an American author, “Change is situational. Transition is psychological.”
The Risk Of Avoiding Change
Throughout our lives, we all experience change in one form or another, whether in our relationships, careers, roles, or lifestyles. Change is normal and an inevitable part of life. Hoping that change will bypass us can leave us unprepared, while fearing it will throw us into crisis can cause us to cling to unhealthy relationships, roles, or situations, keeping us stuck when what we need is to grow.
According to the [Counselling Directory], life transitions can feel disorienting because they often trigger grief responses, identity shifts, or unresolved emotions. Acknowledging these feelings can help us move through transitions more constructively.
Why Choose Growth?
Instead of resisting change, choose to embrace it. Focus on the inner psychological journey, acknowledging, adapting to, and ultimately internalising the new reality. Engaging with your emotions will support the process of accepting change.
Major life changes often bring a period of disorientation, but it’s in the reorientation that follows where real personal growth takes root. Change challenges us to move beyond familiar patterns, adopt new perspectives, and build resilience and self-awareness. It compels us to find constructive ways of dealing with uncertainty, turning disruption into opportunity.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “It is not in our goals, but in our transitions that we find greatness.”
Why Do We Resist Change?
Resistance to change is common because external influences, and our own minds, encourage us to remain who we have been or who others have labelled us to be. Holding on to our identities when they no longer serve us may seem like the easier option when the alternative feels uncertain and frightening. Holding on to these identities even when they no longer serve us can feel easier than confronting the unknown.
The Art of Letting Go
Letting go is never easy. Whether it’s a belief, an outlook on the world, a role we’ve played for years, a relationship, an identity, or even the way others define us. Releasing what was can be the most difficult and painful part of change. Most of us will know we have to move on, but if we find ourselves clinging to something, it’s because part of us isn’t ready to let go. But look at it this way: endings are not necessarily final, rather the beginning of something new—the first act of the next story waiting to unfold!
The Neutral Zone
On the surface, we may seem unchanged—carrying out our daily activities and fulfilling our responsibilities, but the important, deeper work of self-transformation takes place in the quiet, aimless moments we spend alone. This phase of transition can feel unsettling because it’s experienced in isolation without guidance and reassurance. At the same time, it is during this phase that we have the opportunity to make sense of what is happening to us, broaden our perspective, and develop a sense of purpose as we decide how to move forward.
New Beginnings
The deconstruction of a part of our lives can lead to our renewal and transformation. It is somewhere along this path of self-development that we discover who we are and what we want.
During this process, we might experience a “eureka moment” or gradually gain clarity, helping us to make sense of things and see the path ahead. It is at this stage that we begin to fully own our decisions and take responsibility for the direction we choose to take.
However, new beginnings often align with deep longings and needs and can be tentative and untidy, so we must be gentle with ourselves as we make a fresh start.
Avoiding Self-sabotage
Begin by developing an understanding of the phases of transition:
1. disorientation
2. exploration
3. reorientation
Understanding these stages will help to anticipate and normalize the disruption that comes with change. Remember, change is a natural and essential part of growth, and being mindful of its emotional impact allows us to patiently navigate life’s transitions with greater ease and resilience.
Additional Links:
https://womenthrivemagazine.com/resilience-is-your-superpower-harnessing-inner-strength-in-the-face-of-adversity/
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/a-z-topics/women-and-mental-health?
Name: Dr. Patapia Tzotzoli
Professional Title: Doctor Of Clinical Psychology
Bio: Dr Patapia Tzotzoli Is A Uk-trained, Hcpc-registered Clinical Psychologist With 20+ Years’ Experience. She Is The Director Of My Psychology Clinic, Offering Bespoke Online Therapy, And Founder Of My Triage Network, Providing Free Consultations And Personalised Referrals To Trusted Uk Mental Health Professionals.
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