Just before Christmas of 2019, a doctor informed me that I’d had so much of the stress hormone cortisol running through my body for so long that I’d developed a rare lung syndrome and autoimmune issues. He delicately relayed that my organ systems were shutting down. Then he asked what was causing me so much emotional stress that it was manifesting in this physical deterioration.
Although I immediately knew the answer, shame prevented me from voicing it. I’d been abused and neglected in childhood. Then, despite all the red flags, I’d fallen for a young man who mimicked that chaotic comfort. Twenty-four years later, I was miserably married to that man, whose mistreatment of me had increasingly worsened.
I can’t just leave him! I thought. But I don’t want to live, either. Not like this. An inner voice defended. But I was already dead inside. My body was just catching up on how I’d already given up on myself.
As I lay on the basement sofa that night, staring at the ceiling of a house that never felt like a home, that inner voice returned. It whispered, “What do I want?”
It was a bold question, and one I’d never been asked because the answer didn’t matter. From what I should wear to what I should say, to what I should do and how I should do it, it had always been in my best interest to go along with what was dictated to me, even if it didn’t align with what I truly wanted.
Still, I indulged in the recollection of the dreams I’d buried with the self I’d subdued with them.
Since I was twelve years old, I’d wanted to help abused children in some capacity. I’d also hoped to have a career in journalism after discovering my natural gifts of written and verbal communication in college. I wanted to be married, too, except to someone who reciprocated my love and who wanted to travel as much as I did.
But could I have what I want in the circumstances I was in? That answer came as immediately as the previous ones—it was an affirmative “no.”
Despite my degree in journalism, my then husband hadn’t approved of me having a career that would give me any sense of esteem and achievement. He wanted a wife who stayed home with our son and focused on family over career. He didn’t like big cities, either, doubly preventing my nearness to professional opportunities that would allow me to achieve my full potential and success, and the exploration of international destinations and cultures through travel.
Where did that leave me then? Exactly where I was—dying inside because I was sacrificing all that lit my soul on fire for a man who was unaffected by my emotional and physical suffering.
In a rare moment of self-respect, I chose to say “no” to the mistreatment, the pain, and the life I never asked for; and that first “yes” to myself revived the woman that had been buried by the burdens of others’ expectations.
Of course, I was nervous. I had no idea where to start with dismantling the life my (then) husband and I had created together, nor what would be lost in the fallout and its aftermath. With a clear vision of what I wanted, however, I felt empowered to move forward into the scariness of the unknown.
Less than a year later, I was living a life I never imagined could be mine. I was divorced. I am now happily remarried to a long-time friend who is eager to travel and the biggest supporter of my new career as a published author, podcaster, and speaker. Most importantly, though, I am healthy again, thereby proving the association of mental stress with psychosomatic symptoms in women, as discussed in a 2013 study published by the National Library of Medicine.
Although I am grateful for a husband who gives me the space and time to be everything I was ever meant to be in this world, it was my own choice to take back my power, to assert my worthiness of an abundant life, and then give myself permission to have it that changed the game for me.
Like Dr. Coylette James said in her April 2025 article titled “The Roar of the Lioness,” this is a “power we possess—the strength that allows us to rise despite every attack on our womanhood.” And I am roaring. I’m rising. I have fully reclaimed my power to choose what I want in life, and I am eager to help other women realize the power they hold within themselves, as well.
So, I challenge you to ask your self, right now: What do I want?
Then roar it from the rooftops like I did. Claim it, no matter how outlandish it may seem. Because it can and WILL be yours, if you so choose. Only you have the power to decide whether you’re willing to take the risk to be and to have all that you are destined to be if you accept it.
References:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23650451/
[Kingdom Women Rising in Strength and Divine Authority]
Name: Dana S. Diaz
Professional Title: The Power Shifter
Bio: Dana S. Diaz Is The Author Of A Memoir Trilogy, Including Best-seller Gasping For Air. Now Known As The Power Shifter, Dana Speaks On Podcasts And Stages To Reintroduce Women To Their Own Ability To Change Their Mind To Change Their Life.
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