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Are You Seeking Validation Outside of Your Relationship?
Is a lack of communication causing you to look elsewhere, outside of your relationship? Sometimes when we lose the connection of communication we also lose the connection of intimacy with our partner.
When you have an unhealthy relationship: not being heard, lack of intimacy, little to no connection, you find yourself looking elsewhere for validation. Looking for someone else to tell you that you are amazing, special, beautiful instead of looking within. When you don’t feel connected or intimate, instead of doing the work together, you try to soothe that pain or soothe your needs by flirting at work or getting attention somewhere else.
I felt that way in my previous marriage. I went to work looking for someone to tell me I looked good. Then I realized that I had to look within myself for validation. It starts from within, not from what someone else tells you.
You have to feel it. I realized I had to work on myself. It can be painful to dig inside of yourself. It takes work and sometimes you don’t want to do the work. But, this is the only way you can find your complete validation.
Are you going to be a survivor, or are you going to be a victim? You’re the only one that can get you out of it and decide what you want to do. It takes work.
In my previous marriage I was always trying to cover up the pain. I had to learn what I needed, wanted and deserved. Now when I look at myself in the mirror, I know that I am beautiful. I feel this way because I love myself and have made the choice to focus on what is good about me and my life.
I have decided to stop being a victim. I am no longer allowing anyone or anything to hurt me. It is up to me whether I am going to be a survivor or a victim. Things are only as good as you want them to be. I choose joy and happiness.
According to Dr. Karyn Hall, “Self-validation is the ability to recognize and acknowledge your own internal experience. It is not about agreeing with someone or accepting their thoughts as your own; it is about being able to accept these thoughts and experiences as being valid”.
This is what I want for you. I want you to be happy and whole. I want you to start doing things that make you happy. I want you to take care of yourself, and I want you to be strong. I want you to start self-care. Doing things that will make you happy. Seek help if you need it.
That’s why I love what I do. I will show you how to love yourself. How to dig deep within you to find the person you truly want to be. The person you are seeking.
I will show you how to do that. How to love yourself and take care of yourself, and be there for yourself when no one else is. I want you to feel good about yourself.
I did my work. I worked hard to get to the other side. I am no longer a victim. I choose joy and happiness.
About the Author
Name: Debra Barnes-Hamilton
Professional Title: Relationship & Intimacy Coach
Bio: Debra is the Founder and CEO of Nurture Your Love and enjoys working with married women to see the power they have in being who they want to be and who they can be. As a relationship & intimacy coach, Debra is helping couples find that spark they had when they first were married.