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7 Steps to Self-Love

7 Steps to Self-Love

In my 20s, I was an uneducated, single mother of two girls, struggling to provide. Hard work and self-belief, together with the self-compassion and dignity that my little girls and I deserved a great life, are what brought me to become an international healer, speaker, and writer. I am now on a one-woman mission to sprinkle that self-belief as far as my net will cast.

This is why I’ve created these 7 steps to self-love so that you can start embracing all that makes you unique and special. 

7 Steps to Self-Love

Step 1: Stop living according to other people’s rules, judgments, norms, or expectations! 

You will never be really, truly happy and fulfilled unless you live according to your own set of rules and chase your own dreams!

  • What does this look like for you? 
  • What expectations have been placed on you that you adhere to but know you’d be happier without? 
  • What do you worry about in terms of other people judging you?

Step 2: Choosing the energy you surround yourself with

Being mindful and taking action on who is allowed access to you is a profound act of self-love! It demonstrates self-care, self-respect, and dignity! 

Not everyone has a right to your love and time. You don’t ‘owe’ people access to your company, wellness, and life choices because they’re family or have been in your life a long time or they were once really helpful to you. 

Your intuition is constantly telling you who is good for your mind, body, and soul: listen to it.

Choosing not to allow someone in your life who is negative, even toxic, or who you simply don’t feel good around anymore doesn’t have to look like cutting them off (although that’s fine too). It can simply mean creating necessary, healthy distance or less time spent with them. 

The flip side to making these informed choices for yourself is that it allows room for those whom you thrive around and who are inspirational. Remember that energy is everything.

You deserve and must choose the people who are there for you as you would be for them, and the ones who have clean hearts. 

Step 3: Stop over-explaining yourself 

Over-explaining, over-sharing, and over-thinking are often trauma responses. Not everyone requires or even deserves an elaborate version of your story or your reasons! It is an act of self-love to protect your peace by considering people on a ‘need to know basis’. 

Saying: “No” when you really need to be one of the biggest acts of self-love, yet one which many people (especially women) struggle with. You must also try and recognise the people who purposely try to suck information out of you: this isn’t usually good intention! Being an ‘open, chatty person’; I too find this one challenging and am a continuous work in progress. 

How are you at managing this boundary as an act of self-love?

Step 4: Embrace but nurture all the parts of yourself

Even, actually, especially the broken ones! We are all a wonderful combination of contradictions and that’s okay! We all have flaws, make mistakes, and have different strengths and areas for growth (I don’t name them weaknesses) to others: that’s okay! It’s what makes us, us! 

We can be a fabulous combination of:

Wild and tame 

Busy and chilled 

Energetic and tired 

Cool and geeky 

Strong and gentle 

Creative and confused 

Introvert and extrovert 

Because sometimes we must allow ourselves to ‘just be’… To make room for healing, rest, confidence building, and self-discovery! 

Step 5: Be proud of yourself by celebrating the wins! Even small ones!

We spend so much time feeling pressure, guilt, and a strong desire to do more, that we forget to look back at how we’ve come, everything we’ve overcome, and the good we do for others. Today; please celebrate YOU! Be proud of yourself! It’s an act of self-love. 

Step 6: Boundaries

Saying “No” is the biggest challenge I hear from lots of women. Partly due to social programming since we were little girls that we must be nurturing, giving, selfless, and more. All of which is fine, but we must be on our watch! What we weren’t told is that we must have boundaries in place which include:

~ Respecting our own health and time in the process so that others will respect it too 

~ Knowing it is NOT selfish to sometimes put our needs first 

Lastly, not everyone needs to know everything! Be mindful of the boundary which includes us not feeling the need to share too much information, like step 3! 

Step 7: Believe in yourself

Self-belief is a big one! Without this, many other areas of self-love are less obtainable. 

We must believe that we deserve, are worthy, able, and can gracefully go in the direction of our dreams and make them a reality! This can be difficult as we overcome self-sabotaging and limiting thoughts and beliefs others put on us. Many of us were raised to believe we cannot, or that we don’t have either the internal and/or external requirements to do great things. 


About the Author

Women Thrive Magazine Article Author - LJ Jones

Name: LJ Jones

Professional Title: Psychotherapist, Speaker, Writer

Bio: LJ Jones is a British International Psychotherapist, Speaker, and Writer based in Bangkok. LJ has almost a decade’s worth of experience working with women and children on trauma healing, self-love empowerment, and conscious parenting to break generational cycles. Her upcoming book covers all of the above with a strong emphasis on inner-child healing. LJ also hosts ‘Women’s Healing and Empowerment Retreats’ on beautiful Thai islands.

Website: www.designyourdestiny.online

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Media platform spotlighting and celebrating entrepreneurial women and their achievements. Creating a platform where every woman can be seen and heard. We are disrupting the media industry by democratising media channels for women. If you have a business or an idea and you would like to rise and thrive, you are in the right place.
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