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5 Things To Do For Your Sexless Marriage
5 Strategies To Reignite Your Sexless Marriage
Your marriage started off with passion both in and out of the bedroom. After all, you chose this person of all the people on the planet to marry. And at one point, there is a good chance you felt butterflies at the mere sight of this person.
If you are like 15-20% of marriages or long-term partnerships out there, you might be a far cry from that now and instead find yourself in a sexless or low-sex marriage. And if you are like 85% of couples out there, you find yourself struggling in the realm of sexual or physical intimacy.
This brings us to the two most important things for you to hear.
You are not broken.
And you are not alone.
What is a sexless marriage?
Although there are many definitions, one of the most commonly accepted is that a sexless marriage is a marriage in which the couple has sex less than 10 times per year.
What is a low-sex marriage?
A marriage or relationship that has less sex than the average but more than 10 times per year. The average heterosexual married couple in the U.S. has sex once per week.
But the definitions don’t matter as much as how you feel about the sex you are having in your marriage. What is the frequency? The quality? Is it fireworks or smoldering embers between the sheets or maybe the fire is out altogether?
Whether you are the higher sex drive honey or the one not wanting frequent sex, here are 5 things you can do today to create passion and reconnection in your partnership.
5 things to do today to reignite passion in your marriage:
- Have a conversation about your sexual intimacy
This is the first and most important step. Without this step, there can be no others. Your partner can not read your mind, so you must share with them how you feel about your sex life.
Be sure to consider the timing of the conversation – not in the bedroom but in a moment of connection outside of the bedroom is advisable.
Be sure to use “I” language rather than “you” language and you will have a much better chance of your partner really listening rather than getting defensive. For example, “I feel sad about our sex life right now because for me that means…..”
- Share What You Want To Create in Your Sex Life
While it is so important to share with them your feelings and thoughts on the matter, it is equally important and even more change-oriented to share with them what you desire to have with them in regard to sexual intimacy.
For example, “I want so badly to have connected and intimate sex with you again” or “I want so much to hear how much you desire me or that you find me beautiful and that helps me to want sex”.
- Prioritize Your Intimacy
Intimacy extends far outside of the bedroom and starts well before sexy time. It can be helpful to work on other realms of intimacy with your partner beyond sexual intimacy. Things such as intellectual intimacy, recreational intimacy, spiritual intimacy, physical intimacy, and more.
Intimacy is about being truly seen by your spouse and also truly seeing them. Intimacy is about connection and depth and trust.
What are some non-sexual ways you can foster intimacy with your honey today?
- Cultivate Your Own Sex Drive
Sex drive is not a static set point. Our sexual drives waxes and wanes with stress, age, the time of our cycle, medications, diet, exercise and so much more. Up to 40% of women experience “sexual malaise” which is sort of a sleepy sex drive.
One quick hack for increasing your sex drive is to reduce your stress. Easier said than done in our world that almost idolizes stress and certainly idolizes busyness and productivity.
Stress is a pleasure buster. Slow down a bit. We need to slow down to feel. And when we feel we can feel our sexy. Pleasure lies in the slowing down.
What is one thing you can do today to reduce your stress?
As you practice feeling your own sexiness and rocking your own erotic energy you will feel more open to your partner. You will also just move through this world as the sexy warrioress that you are.
- Extend Your Foreplay
The pleasure gap that exists between heterosexual males and females is a real thing and it can often get in the way of the woman deeply experiencing pleasure and orgasm.
The pleasure gap is the disparity between male and female orgasms with penetrative sex alone. Meaning, most cis hetero women don’t orgasm from penetration alone. In fact, only 15-20% of women orgasm from sex alone.
One way to bridge this gap is to double or triple the length of your foreplay to give yourself time to feel turned on and to experience more pleasure.
Don’t settle for mediocrity in any part of your life. This includes your sex life.
You deserve a marriage where your sex life is an extension of your love and can continue to be spicy and hot for the entire relationship.
Want to read more about intimacy topics, check out this Thrive article here…….
About the Author
Name: Stormy Hill
Professional Title: Certified Sex & Intimacy Coach
Bio: Dr. Stormy is a sexuality and relationship coach and the creator of Love Deep Lab. She combines the knowledge from her medical degree, certification as a sex, love & relationship coach, her experience as a mental health occupational therapist, and her 15-year practice in breathwork, yoga, meditation, and sacred sexuality. She has the privilege of being a single mom to an amazing son with autism.
Website: www.lovedeeperlab.com
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